I think I love my students

I will be simply writing out a conversation that was had in class today. Though slightly inappropriate, too valuable not to repeat.

These are my favorite students. They are two 17 year old boys. And their English "pretty sucks"

Adam: "Teacher do you like THE Michael Jackson?"

Me: "yeah, he's cool"

Ian: "Adam can do his moonwalking"

Me: "wow, can I see?"

(Adam gets up and then shows me the moonwalk and turns and does a very Michael Jackson move....if you get my hint)

Me: "not bad....."

Adam: "Ian can also do some"

Ian: "no, I can't."

Adam: "yes you can"

Ian: "no"

me: "please Ian?"

Adam: "See? PLEASE Ian? Be a Gentlman!"

Ian: "GENTLEMAN DON'T DO THIS" (precedes to do a very Michael Jackson move"

Adam: "You aren't a gentleman, you are a playboy"

Ian: "Go to hell"

Adam: "Go to the hill?"

Ian: "GO TO HELL"

Adam: "I don't get it..."

Me: (trying not to pee my pants laughing)

Me: "Okay, stop. What do you guys want to be when you grow up?"

Adam: "terrorist"

Me: "Tourist?"

Adam: "No, terrorist"

Me: "that is not a job"

Adam "does it? Did it?"

Me: "what?"

Adam: "Teacher, do you like your body?"

Me: "what? .... Yes"

Adam: "I don't"

Me: "WHAT?"

Ian: "ADAM! Ni shuo Laoshi wo bu xi huan ni de shen ti!!!"

Adam: "I MEAN, I DON"T LIKE MY BODY"

Me: (laughing over the desk)

(10 minutes later, I notice Ian is falling asleep...... going, going, and then GONE. I give him two minutes and then I knock on the desk. He doesn't wake. I knock REALLY loud, and he jumps out of his slumber and says)

Ian: "I had a dream!"

Adam: "about your girlfriend?"

Ian: "shut up"

Me: "okay, pay attention"

(1 minute later, Ian starts a musical type knocking sequence on his desk)

Adam: "what are you doing?"

Ian: "it was in my dream"

Adam: "and your girlfriend?"

Ian: "Go to hell"

Adam: "go to the hill?"

Ian: "GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL"

me: "DON'T SAY THAT!"

Ian: "But I am filled OF ANGER."

Ada: "I don't get it...."

Snappy Rejoinders:

I read this very cute suggestion today for the questions that us foreigners are asked 10 times a day here in China. Lets spice it up a little, Right?


1. ni shi na guo ren? -where are you from?

Evasive: Guess. Where do I look like I'm from?

Nonsensical: The moon.

Exotic: Well, I live have a thailand passport, but grew up in Israel and am moving to Iceland next week.

2. Ni hui shuo hanyu ma? -can you speak chinese?

Cheeky: I can't speak any chinese whatsoever.

Modest/Moronic: I fluently speak horrible Chinese

3. Ni zuo shenme gong zuo? What kind of work do you do?

Wannabe: I am a secret agent. (Followed by a WHoooosh sound)

Liar: I'm a helicopter pilot.

4. nimen nar tianqi zenmeyang? Hows the weather in your country?

Tough. where I come from it rains bullets everyday.

5. ni de xinshui doushao? What's your salary?

Make them practice their math! "It's 10 million cents per year."

currency exchange sadist: 200 Guatemalan Quetzal per fortnight.


And finally,

How things are not exactly what they seem.

For example the phrase, "yingai mei wenti" Which is "it shouldn't be a problem"

Be on guard... on the surface the speaker calmly asserts that no problem will arise-but she/he is in fact sleuthily acknowledging that the problem will never, ever be solved.

And a variation: "wenti bu da" The problem isn't big.

It may not be big, but it will remain a problem. Assume that your wenti will remain a wenti forever, and ever, and ever.


And finally, I present to you the hardest character I have ever learned. I believe it is actually 3rd place in the list of hardest characters. It should have an equally hard/long name. Though it does not. It us pronounced "biang" and means "noodle".
It has a whopping 57 strokes and only takes 10 minutes to write. :)

Next language I learn isn't going to have tones....Or characters. I swear that.