nothing to see here.

At all.

not so random

REASONS WHY ANDREW PALMINI IS DUMB:
Ahem.
Numbered 1-53

NUMBER 1:
Andrew thinks that I don't talk about "substantial" things. Andrew says that I just talk about silly things. But THEN when we were at the post office, he started making up a story that wasn't true that I was supposed to go along with......with just the two of us......nobody else would ever hear the fake story.....we just pretended it was real. How unsubstantial of him.

NUMBER 2:

Andrew licks his boogers. I saw.


NUMBER: 3

Because I saw him lick his booger and freaked out, he made it WORSER and stuck all our LUNCH TISSUES up his nose. Who wants to share a plate of jiaozi's with someone with tissues stuffed up their nose?

NUMBER: 4

Andrew calls me "woman" like it's ok.

NUMBER: 5

Andrew walks too fast. WAY too fast. We'll be walking down the crowded streets of Harbin, and he's all like "keep up" and it looks to the Chinese people like he's running away from me and I'm trying to catch him. And the little gap where he squeezed through five Chinese people closes on me, and then I get stuck, and have to run to catch up to him almost getting hit by a car. I feel dumb. So he's dumb.

NUMBER: 6

Andrew cries in public, and it embarrasses me.

wouldn't this embarrass you?

NUUUUUMBER: 7

Andrew made me come ALL way back to Ha Gong da to pick him up because he didn't want to come MEET me where I ALREADY was. Yep. Dumb.

Number:8
One time I asked him to go to coffee and he rejected me, so I reject him.

Number:9

Andrew forgot his Camera on Picture taking day.
So we had to go ALLLLL the way back and get it.

NUuuuMMBER:10

Andrew said his mom was hotter than my mom.

Number:11
Andrew likes Baozi's

nasty


NUMBER: 12

WELL.....There's more to come when he does more or I remember what I forgot. Stay tunned

Chickens and Bamboo

SO I'm sick. It happens.


But, I decided that I needed some good old American medicine.... Noodle Soup.


However, trying to find NOODLE soup...Like the zhende American style noodle soup proved to be a rather difficult task for me. I did however manage to find a Chinese style Chicken Bullion seasoning. Got back to my dorm, and tried to just make some broth out of it. I felt like it was just TOO plain for me to stomach, so I went to the little difang on the first floor of my dorm to find something I could put in it.....This was also quite a difficult task. I dug through several cans of what I can only guess are canned meats....Some packages of pickled chicken feet (which I considered might work) but alas, I managed to find a dusty can of pickled bamboo in the very back of the shelf....

I like bamboo. So I decided I would try it out. Washed the strange red pickle sauce off of them, and cooked those babies up. It's not half bad.

Being a foreigner in a place like China is intensely interesting most of the time. Constant staring...and plenty of interesting perks. (I'm an optimist) And sometimes....it's just downright funny. (click on picture to blow it up so you can read)








The cold is definitely approaching. I say that as if it's not already here, but I think I've braced myself for conditions so intense, that the current lows of ten degrees Fahrenheit aren't phasing me quite yet.

Today I did break down and go to the clothing place to buy some nice under(wear??) You know...those like heavy duty leg stockings you put under jeans...(Hey...I'm from southern California....) I won't wear them till it gets a bit worse as they make people look fat.


I don't think I've ever mentioned to those faithful readers of my blog zai America about China's spitting problem....and throw-up problem...and urinating problem...
To catch you up to speed, basically it's a problem.....people everywhere do it...all day long....right on the street. I've learned how to maneuver these small piles of loogies and such.

But recentely, because of the freezing temperatures everything that is on the ground has become frozen. By that I mean.....All the loogies are frozen. The piles of puke....frozen....
So now...you must watch your step extra carefully...lest you slip on a frozen loogie and die.

I'm not joking...I slipped on a loggie. I saw this other chick slip on....something like a loogie but bigger. Only God knows what it was.

Despite the disease infested streets I still wear my shoes in my house. I am guessing this is why my roommates think I'm disgusting. Only recently have I made the connection of Asian culture and taking there shoes off at the door, and why my roommates face turned green when she saw me set my shoes on my bed....

There is always room for learning.

So I finally understand why in Chinese they use "ta" for he AND she.


Because you cannot the difference between some Chinese people, if they're a girl of boy. Even some of my Chinese friends and I will be walking, and I'll see one, and be like, "Girl or boy" and they're like...."yeah, I dunno"

So "Ta" is a great way to be inoffensive.

Mathematics and Hott Russian tempers

A few days ago I was at corner coffee, you know just minding my own business, like I always do, when I noticed a rather small strange man sitting in a corner, he seemed to be waiting for someone....he seemed irritable, and ready to pounce.

Well I was right.

My Russian guy friend comes in, and the guy walks over to him, they shake hands like their hao pen you's or something, and then the rather small man goes, "Give me my money" I TOTALLY thought they were playing a game, until the little man decided that he was going to get into the face of the really tall Russian guy....you know.....like they do in the movies.

I DUUUUUUNO, if I were that rather small man, I would've calculated the fact that this rather large Russian guy could snap my leg like...something easily snappable.

But this little small guy was just not good at math or something, he proceeded to like...get in this guys face and yell at him to "pay up" I was like......LITTLE DUUUUDE..he's RUUUUSSIAN........He could be KGB or something! But no, the little guy THEN decided to STEAL the Russian guys guitar.... (..........................)
"YOU GET YOUR GUITAR BACK WHEN I GET MY MONEY" says the little man.

The big Russian man got in his face and (might I add I have never seen anything so hott in my life as this) says: "I VVvWIL BRAKE YOUR FACCSE" **Melts**

Well, the big Russian guy let the guy go with his guitar, mostly because he works here at the coffee shop and I guess probably could have got fired if he did snap the little man right here, so the little man got away with the guitar at 1:08 pm.


Big Russian man makes a phone call at 1:09 pm....

At 4:30 pm bigger Russian man walks into Corner coffee with his face all scratched, bruised, and bloody. (I'm sure in this case, judging by the size of this brute, it is a correct statement to say "you should have seen the other guy") I think it's very smart of the original big Russian guy to call BIGGER Russian guy in matters such as these, because big Russian guy has a really pretty face that I'm glad doesn't now look like BIGGER Russian guys'.....You know?

I've been having some problems here in China, oh you know just the usual....Few stalkers here and there.

I want to go up to the big Russian guy and be like....... "Can I have the # of your henchman?"
duuno, could come in handy.

Embarrassment.

Yep......So I took a walk in my favourite park with Jen and her friend Brandon, it was awesome.
We're walking along, and I just love this park, there are always Chinese people singing and dancing and it's just seriously amazing to me.

Well, we came upon a rather large group singing, and it was absolutely wonderful, so we stop to listen, I tell Jen and Brandon that when they're finish lets clap with the other Chinese people (the last time I had walked in this park I had come upon the same group and they had all clapped after they were finished watching or singing along in the group)

So, the song finishes, and I belt out a MAJOR loud "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" while clapping my hands like a mad woman (I really thought they were simply amazing)
To my embarrassment, I was the only one clapping and "whoooo"-ing
ALL the Chinese people turned around to look at me while Jen and Brandon are just laughing at me.


I must say...I have never felt so glad to leave a park before.

It's snowed both yesterday and today on and off all day, I freakin' LOVE it.
I'm trying to enjoy the "cold" before it gets COLD. Yesterday it said it felt like 22 outside.

Man......so much more to go. As it gets MINUS 30 degrees here in the winter.


Yesterday was really interesting...I went to lunch with a friend of mine and at 1:00 pm there is a table full of drunk guys. So, it was ok at first, just gave us a lot of stares, a couple waves, and one failed attempt by one guy to get guts to come talk to us.
Then his friend comes over about 30 minutes later and decides to harass us, which ended in him stealing a kiss from my friend who was completely devastated. D freakin' sgusting.

Not to be mean, but man I'm glad it wasn't me....haha, for once. :)

So yeah........I've fallen in love with this Chinese musician, "wang lee hom"
I freaking LOVE his stuff, it's hilarious....Me listening to Chinese music in my Ipod and UNDERSTANDING it. Bwahah

I must say, songs are hilarious when translated.

So today I went to lunch at my favorite Jiaozi place, and whilst eating Jiaozi's my lip ring ball fell out on rolled under many tables (or so I thought I heard). Well, you see, lip ring balls are nearly impossible to find in China, as many people do not pierce themselves at all (unless they're the cool hip Chinese people I've heard rumors are in existence but have never really actually seen...)

So, that was my last lip ring ball, and I refuse to take my lip ring out, because I like it to dang much. So what do I do? I ask the waitress for a broom, and I decide to FIND that lip ring ball.
The two waitresses wanted in on the action, so there are four of us searching high and low for my lip ring ball which is the size of an ant of course in a room with so much other crap on the floor that it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

It was a funny thing watching us four looking for this thing, and we swept that whole room CLEAN. I'm telling you the place has never looked so good....

but, in the end it turned out that it had fallen directly underneath my chair and hadn't actually rolled across the room. I felt bad for like three seconds, until I thought....I'll bet that's the first time the place has been swept in a month.


Because of the intense fear I have of having to take this lip ring out if I lose that thing again, I decided to go searching for lip ring balls to buy at the largest difang you can buy dongxi there is. (I love my chinglish)

So, I find this lady selling piercings, and it looks promising. As I'm looking through the stuff she's trying to get me to buy what she thinks are the coolest earrings ever, she shows me an example of just how great they look by showing me the ones in her ears...Lo and behold the woman has the ring for a belly button piercing in her EAR hole. "Hao kan, Hao kan" she says. "not really, not really" I say.

I laugh.


China, how I love thee. Your innocence... :)

I had my first dream in Chinese the other night, I think it happened because people were talking about having Chinese dreams and I felt left out.

It was awesome...It took place at AmPm, in California... (.....)
For some random reason the Ampm lady was Chinese and couldn't speak English, and for some reason the slurpy machine was behind the counter and not self-serve.... (w0w...I know)
And so this random person needed my help to tell her she wanted a large purple slurpy.
(I think I was just desperate to have a Chinese dream too)

So my dorm room has smelt like pot for like....three days (...hmmmm......)
and then my cute innocent looking little Korean roommate has been VERY happy for like......three days. I duuuunooo....


On a more serious note, class is bringing me down...
I've begun sounding like a Russian when I speak Chinese. Now, I have theories but first let me just say that this is no joke. I used to be told by Chinese people that I had nearly no accent speaking Chinese, and even my teacher (who is not given to flattery) gave me a few pats on the back. Now, I am in class all day long with like fifteen other Russians, and all day long I hear them kill the Chinese language (I love Russians, don't think that I don't, and I've heard some who speak Chinese amazingly). But, my pronunciation has begun declining listening to them speak all day long, as I'm very easily influenced by accents...

So....three foreigners who I've spoken Chinese to have thought I was Russian because I sound like a Russian speaking Chinese, and a couple Chinese people didn't quite believe me when I was swearing that I was an American and not a freakin' Eluosi!

I think that I need to get me some Chinese peng you's.

The end.

Leeks and Lettuce are out of the question for this winters food choices, as tonight I saw what happens to them when nobody's watching.

A wee yappy type dog LICKING on them, marking them as his territory I suppose. I'll bet if we didn't bust his party he'd have weewee'd on them.

I'm sure when nobody's looking the Chinese men spit on them too.

TB FOR EVERYONE, that's the commie way.

Why are the mosquito's still alive? It's freezing......These are like Cockroach strength mosquito's!



I Love this place........

So I've felt like a lazy lowlife for the last three days skipping class due to so many reasons I'm not going into. Today though, my classmate came to my door to let me know what todays homework was (she's so sweet) it turns out that I am currently now three lessons ahead of the rest of my class.

I plan to just tell my teacher I am hardworking and brilliant, and that I meant to do that.
Most of the time situations do not turn out so sweet for me, today is a good day.




Rumor has it I MIGHT not be the only American in my class much longer. I am ever so excited. :)

Things that make me fall in love with this place......

Friends....

contrast....

Sweet potatoes

Writting chinese with water.

Nobody's told him.

Dude.......You're going to get TB

Guessing...and ripping off cute Chinese teachers

I have a bet with my teacher.

She has to give me one hundred yuan if song john hao doesn't come to class tomorrow, I have to give her 100 yuan if he does.

I don't often 赌博 with my teachers, but I couldn't help myself when he told her he was going to come tomorrow...I think this is the first time I've seen him in three weeks.

Today in Class my teacher told me to guess at a sentence I had never heard. In the textbook...It shows the new words and says, "read and guess"

Guess?

I don't go to class so I can take stabs at the Chinese language...F that. For zhen de? Guess?

Another little thing that gets on my nerves a wee bit is the whole listening class. What a joke.
We listen to a cassette tape of conversation in Chinese, which is just fine...It's one of those, listen to this conversation, and then at the end they'll ask a question about the conversation and you must answer it based on the information given from what you heard.

Here's the thing.....The questions......are always math questions.
So, for example...translated into English the conversation is as follows:

Zhang dong: Mary, how much is an apple in beijing?
Mary: Four yuan for a half kilo, how much is it in your country?
Zhang dong: 3 yuan for a half kilo
Mary: what is your country's exchange rate from your currency to the Chinese currency?
Zhang dong: 1 rubel to 3 yuan

The question: Which is cheaper? the apples in Beijing or the apples in Zhang dong's country....

So, my teacher is asking me why I can't answer the question...why I'm not listening carefully, why I didn't do my homework...blah, blah, blah....

I'm like...I understood all the Chinese just fine.....I just can't do math. At least not as quickly as I apparently should be, I hate math to begin with, but now I'm translating it from Chinese on top of that.
So it is this battle between me and my classmates...who can answer the question the quickest...and you always have that one student who is like a fricken calculator.

So I've got my pen ready, my ear to the radio, as she pushes play. And GO, I write down every number, kilo, and exchange rate. Every pound sterling, American dollar, rubel, and little detail that would make it actually a TRICK question and divide and multiply as fast as I possible can think in both of the languages sloshing through my tired head just in time to get beat by miss calculator and feel like a stupid failure for the rest of class.


All that math is something I just didn't sign up for.


P.s. Was I the only one in class who caught that mister 'Zhang dong' SAID that in his country apples were 3 YUAN.
What idiots. Who's not calculating properly now, huh? HUH?


Here's a fun picture for you



GUESS.

Leeks.

Leeks are everywhere...Many sidewalks are nearly impossible to walk on because of the enormous amount of leeks. What are leeks? what do they taste like? Why have I never heard of them?

They are making Harbin smell bad.

Ladybugs

So, I seem to enter my classroom every day with at LEAST one ladybug stuck to my shirt. Why do the ladybugs like my shirts? Maybe it's my perfume....But I'm telling you, it's inevitable


Also there is a wee fly problem in the Coffee shop....
Andrew killed one on my notebook...blood everywhere. sick

Yum. Peanut butter

你们好，


I have a spoon of peanut butter, and am listening to amazing music. How could it be better right now?
It has been over nine months now that I've been here in china, I can't see myself getting over it either...I love this place....
Always something new to learn or see, always new people to meet and get to know. Never a dull moment, and that's simply the way I'm happiest.

Do yourself a favor....Never take a swig of mustard extract oil.

(I have Korean roommates) And I tell you, I have about all I can take of the Korean soap operas...
It's pathetic cause I get sucked into it. I mean, I have no idea what the heck is going on, but they're so dramatic I can't help but look over my computer and watch the confusing story that I'm sure isn't any better if you can actually understand.

Needless to say...My homework has been suffering.

再 见

This place

Chinese dudes like to pull their shirts up and cool of their bellies...But I rarely see belly buttons. Why is that?
Where have their belly buttons gone? It's quite concerning.



How will my heart even get over this place?