white noise

I don't know why everyone is so down on the lake, it's really actually quite beautiful.

I sat by it yesterday for hours, and drew. At first I felt very childish, but as the hours went on I began to feel childlike. I wondered why I hadn't done this before. It was so soothing, like meditating.

I had a thought as I was just sitting there thinking about life. I knew that I would never forget this moment that I had. I would always remember the time that I drove to the lake by myself and sat there watching the sunset. It was so peaceful and I felt such an ecstasy for life, which led me to realize that life is full of those little moments, isn't it?

That ONE time that I randomly went to the lake and watched the sunset, that ONE time we drove down to the beach in the middle of the night, that ONE kiss. Little moments that we remember, and the rest is just white noise. It makes me sad to know that all of our lives are summed up by those little moments. Weather or not they are good or they are bad. Little milestones and markers that create the whole.

It made me want to make more of those moments. To make as many as I can so that in the end there are more markers than white noise.

Life is so short. It was just yesterday that I was having coffee and walking around the lake with Tiffy. It was just yesterday that I was driving the jeep with Phil in the warm summer air. It was just yesterday that helped hongtae climb up the side of the house we locked the keys in.

Life is so short. SO damn short. I don't want to spend another minute of it being angry at anyone, or going through it like it doesn't matter or that I have time to change it into what I want it to be.

I want to live today. I want to be who I want to be today. Today is what will decide how my life will be. Today I can make memories that will decide if I had a good life or not.

I'm not going to be afraid anymore. I'm going to give it my all.

Here I go.