Properly mixed...

I am sitting here tonight wondering about how I will ever re-inter grate into the life that I had before. How do you do that when you've lived outside of it for so long?

I have finally realized some of what I was feeling the last time I was at home for an extended period of time... All the unease I was feeling and why I couldn't just slide back in...

I have made friends here in China that I love more than I thought I ever could... And I see how their lives are... How little they have... The struggles they face that most of us rarely face in our lifetime... And I think.... How am I ever going to be able to forget that the world is full of people like them? That we, in our little Orange county bubble, often fail to realize exist.

How can I go back to living a normal life after seeing so much? I want to... I do want to go back to the life I knew... I miss it. I miss my family, I miss my friends.... I miss In N out and the beach... I miss smelling like nice perfume, and having beautiful make-up to wear. I miss going shopping, and playing music at Starbucks with my best friends... I miss my life...

But I think about going back to it... And I feel sick in my stomach.... Like I'm turning my back on those I love here... Like I'm taking the get out of jail free card and abandoning those that are so dear to me. I don't even know if that makes sense... I guess in some weird way I have inter-grated into them... my heart has become one with these people... They feel like family... and leaving feels like walking out on them.

It's such a strange feeling I get...I can't even describe it. It's like I'm sitting over a friend that is dying and there is nothing in the world that I can do for them... What has happened has happened... But I can't walk away from them and leave them to it. Even though there isn't much I can do staying with them either.... Except to love them.

What does one do with this? What can I really do for them by staying? There really isn't much I can do to change their lives... Some (and not because of their own stubbornness but because of their conditioning) don't want anything to do with what I have to offer. But, I've fallen in love with them. I can't just turn away now. Can't just leave them to sink alone.

Is that enough or a purpose for me? Enough of a mission? Enough of a reason to sacrifice the life I had? Simply to add as much happiness to another's life as possible... To ease a small bit of the stress they feel from their suffering? Nothing life changing, nothing worthy of remembrance in the worlds eye... My drive is simply to see my friends smile... However I can bring that about. Joking with them, talking with them, looking stupid for them... To be to a few people that the world will never know or care that exists, a reason to smile, someone to talk to, someone who sees them...

It is nothing remarkable. It is nothing anyone would ever base a movie or book off of. It isn't spectacular by any means. Some may see it as worthless, or a waste of time or a life. It is so very normal. So very simple. So very ordinary. So very little. But maybe, maybe it's what the world needs more than spectacular. Just a little bit of ordinary love.

I am aware of the hundred years that it has been since I've written a post.

I have been extremely busy learning Chinese, being with Chinese people, AND enjoying my new job singing and playing my guitar in a pub. How do I get so lucky?

It's been cold here in Beijing for a while now, but this last week has really warmed up, and I am thankful. It snowed yesterday, and the temperature was bearable enough to enjoy the beautiful snow.

cold weather is not all bad though, I have my own personal refrigerator in my room because of it.

There is the inner window and the outer window and they freeze when put between them. It's incredible.

My Chinese is going fabulous, mostly because I never speak English cause I don't have any foreigner friends, or Chinese friends who speak English. It does however present a problem... Because I have been forgetting ALOT of English words. The other day, my Chinese friend Li Wen Tao asked me how to say the months in the year. So I begin, "January, February, UEuuuu...........uh....... January, February,.......... uhhhhhhh.... 三月!!!! And then my integration into a Chinese person became even worse when I was too embarrassed to admit I had forgotten how to say March (save face) that I pretended that I knew... "January, February, month 3, April, May...."

And the madness, it continues... When referring to myself I often point straight at my nose. It feels natural...

I will fight and bargain the price down for one kuai (ten cents).

I often begin a statement by putting my index finger in the air and STREEEETCHING out my tones.

Chinese people all look VERY different, and I am beggining to feel all foreigners look the same

My thoughts are often all thought in Chinese

There isn't an ounce of self consciousness in spitting my bones out onto the table, or blowing my nose in front of everyone.

When a foreigner enters the pub, I am standing right next to the Chinese waitresses staring at them oh so rudely in fascination.... Then guessing which country they're from, and discussing their attire, and countries circumstances right in front of them, cause after all, foreigners don't speak Chinese.

I have used the English dictionary five times while writing this to remember words like "circumstances", "integration", "attire", and "index finger" And to make sure that I was right that san yue is really "March"

I have been teaching guitar to anyone who wants to learn, and that has been a highlight in my life. This picture is of my latest student, and she is a QUICK learner. It's such a joy to see my Chinese friends enjoying music as much as I do.

I've gotten very close with all the Chinese people at the pub. They're all my age, and super awesome. After work we go out to eat together, and hang out. It's quite an awesome little community and I can't dream of leaving them.

In a lot of ways this time is better than the last time I lived in China. I am not sure what the difference is this time, maybe cause I am playing music, and really understanding Chinese and therefore getting to know the Chinese people deeper. But, they have my heart, that's for sure.

How am I ever going to be able to be normal again?

I think I love my students

I will be simply writing out a conversation that was had in class today. Though slightly inappropriate, too valuable not to repeat.

These are my favorite students. They are two 17 year old boys. And their English "pretty sucks"

Adam: "Teacher do you like THE Michael Jackson?"

Me: "yeah, he's cool"

Ian: "Adam can do his moonwalking"

Me: "wow, can I see?"

(Adam gets up and then shows me the moonwalk and turns and does a very Michael Jackson move....if you get my hint)

Me: "not bad....."

Adam: "Ian can also do some"

Ian: "no, I can't."

Adam: "yes you can"

Ian: "no"

me: "please Ian?"

Adam: "See? PLEASE Ian? Be a Gentlman!"

Ian: "GENTLEMAN DON'T DO THIS" (precedes to do a very Michael Jackson move"

Adam: "You aren't a gentleman, you are a playboy"

Ian: "Go to hell"

Adam: "Go to the hill?"

Ian: "GO TO HELL"

Adam: "I don't get it..."

Me: (trying not to pee my pants laughing)

Me: "Okay, stop. What do you guys want to be when you grow up?"

Adam: "terrorist"

Me: "Tourist?"

Adam: "No, terrorist"

Me: "that is not a job"

Adam "does it? Did it?"

Me: "what?"

Adam: "Teacher, do you like your body?"

Me: "what? .... Yes"

Adam: "I don't"

Me: "WHAT?"

Ian: "ADAM! Ni shuo Laoshi wo bu xi huan ni de shen ti!!!"

Adam: "I MEAN, I DON"T LIKE MY BODY"

Me: (laughing over the desk)

(10 minutes later, I notice Ian is falling asleep...... going, going, and then GONE. I give him two minutes and then I knock on the desk. He doesn't wake. I knock REALLY loud, and he jumps out of his slumber and says)

Ian: "I had a dream!"

Adam: "about your girlfriend?"

Ian: "shut up"

Me: "okay, pay attention"

(1 minute later, Ian starts a musical type knocking sequence on his desk)

Adam: "what are you doing?"

Ian: "it was in my dream"

Adam: "and your girlfriend?"

Ian: "Go to hell"

Adam: "go to the hill?"

Ian: "GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL"

me: "DON'T SAY THAT!"

Ian: "But I am filled OF ANGER."

Ada: "I don't get it...."

Snappy Rejoinders:

I read this very cute suggestion today for the questions that us foreigners are asked 10 times a day here in China. Lets spice it up a little, Right?


1. ni shi na guo ren? -where are you from?

Evasive: Guess. Where do I look like I'm from?

Nonsensical: The moon.

Exotic: Well, I live have a thailand passport, but grew up in Israel and am moving to Iceland next week.

2. Ni hui shuo hanyu ma? -can you speak chinese?

Cheeky: I can't speak any chinese whatsoever.

Modest/Moronic: I fluently speak horrible Chinese

3. Ni zuo shenme gong zuo? What kind of work do you do?

Wannabe: I am a secret agent. (Followed by a WHoooosh sound)

Liar: I'm a helicopter pilot.

4. nimen nar tianqi zenmeyang? Hows the weather in your country?

Tough. where I come from it rains bullets everyday.

5. ni de xinshui doushao? What's your salary?

Make them practice their math! "It's 10 million cents per year."

currency exchange sadist: 200 Guatemalan Quetzal per fortnight.


And finally,

How things are not exactly what they seem.

For example the phrase, "yingai mei wenti" Which is "it shouldn't be a problem"

Be on guard... on the surface the speaker calmly asserts that no problem will arise-but she/he is in fact sleuthily acknowledging that the problem will never, ever be solved.

And a variation: "wenti bu da" The problem isn't big.

It may not be big, but it will remain a problem. Assume that your wenti will remain a wenti forever, and ever, and ever.


And finally, I present to you the hardest character I have ever learned. I believe it is actually 3rd place in the list of hardest characters. It should have an equally hard/long name. Though it does not. It us pronounced "biang" and means "noodle".
It has a whopping 57 strokes and only takes 10 minutes to write. :)

Next language I learn isn't going to have tones....Or characters. I swear that.

So it is to be torture?

Yes, I had a wisdom tooth removed in China.


This is an experience that all people need to have at least once in their lives.
Now, I have had some of my wisdom teeth pulled in America, so I know how the process is supposed to look by our standards. And now, I can proudly say that I have had it done here to.

For starters, I ask the doctor to prescribe me Vicodin or some kind of strong pain reliever for after the surgery. His exact words translated into English were "there's no need"

...There's a need. Trust me, there IS a need.

So, I argue with him for a few minutes and he agrees to supply me with two days worth of pain killer. I am satisfied.


He begins the process by giving me a shot... All is good except for the fact that I am not in the least bit numb. "strange" he says as he pokes me with a needle on the sides of my gum and I am jerking at the pain.

"I need more" I say

"strange" he says

So he gives me more. Now I feel a bit more numb, yet I can still tell him which side of my gum he is poking. "It should be fine he says"

well, you know how your cheek and lips get numb when they do fillings for your cavities? Nothing was numb at all like that. Not at all.

I was nervous.

He then informs me that I will feel what he is doing the whole time, just not the pain.

....Nobody wants to feel ANYTHING AT ALL when a bone is being taken from your head.

I just want it over with, so I agree to let him take it out.

Now, you see... When I had my two wisdom teeth taken out previously, they used drills and surgically removed the tooth. Well, prepare for something hilarious.


The man takes out, (GET THIS) what look like regular pliers (they were definitely meant to be used for teeth, but even still I was like..... Are you kidding?)

Then, he takes my head between his arm and his chest and begins to yank out my tooth with these pliers. No drill. No cutting. Torture.

I was trying not to laugh or cry as I was both amused and horrified.


And so he yanked, and yanked... After a minute of his grunting and sweat, the tooth is free.

It was a big little bugger... So I can imagine the size of the hole from where it came. Which horrified me as he did not stitch me up. Nope. No stitches.

"just don't eat on that side, and don't brush your teeth for a couple days"

(...)


Fine. I'm just glad it's over, so I walk out to the reception office to collect my drugs.


You want to know what he gives me for the pain I will be enduring the next few days?

3 Tylenol.

Tylenol.

...


I would like to pull some of his teeth out, and see if those tylenol help him at all...



Aside from my complaining, it was about 250.00 cheaper than it would have been to do it in the states, so as long as I don't die of infection. Good times...


The end.

All my love!

My collected funny stories

I have a notepad I keep with me at all times. There is a special pocket in my purse reserved for it, equipped with two Pens. It is the "Funny story" notepad. It is for the many times I am in class and one of my students says or does something completely hilarious, or when I will be out and about and see something so incredibly ridiculous or astonishing that I simply have to write it down, lest I forget and not be able to share it with you fine people.


the first three stories come to you from the China Daily newspaper:

In Tianjin, on a particularly cold morning, one Chinese woman could not get her car to start. She figured that the engine must be too cold. So she gathers some wood and newspaper, and set in underneath the front hood and lights it on fire. Needless to say the car exploded and was completely destroyed.

The next two stories are great because of the choice of certain words. You see, the China daily is in English, but written by Chinese. Needless to say, you get a kick out of it...

This is a story about a master who's female dog turned on him. The story reports: "A man and his dog were taking a walk, and ran into another dog, the man tried to break the fight up and the bitch bit him."

And in a VERY similar story then next day, a Chinese man tried to break up two asses.

other than the obvious....I'm wondering why nobody is telling these Chinese people that breaking up fighting animals is generally not the best idea.

Next are a few stories I've accumulated from interactions with my students:

Recently one of my students, James, asked me what we say when something is delicious. He wondered if "yummy" was ok. I told him that it was, but mostly younger children would say "Yummy" and we might comment on what about the food we specifically enjoyed.

He then said, "oh, ok. (pretends to take a bite) Mmm, tastes like my mom"


Today, as class was ending I asked my students what they would be doing today. Most of them gave fairly normal answers, "Homework" and "clean my room".
When I asked the last girl that was leaving the classroom, she looked down at her feet and said "look for my shoes"

It was then that I realized for the first time since class had started, that she was wearing a pair of boys tennis-shoes that were about four sizes too big.

Not to mention all of the English words that are slightly morphed and are now pronounced: "You-tubie" "facie-book" "grammers" and of course "Engrish"

Oh, and my personal favorite. When they randomly greet you on the street with:
"Hallouw????" (said like a question with the second tone)

And best annoying Chinese Phrase of the day

Q: Which direction is it?
A: 一直走出(straight down the left side, or straight down the right side, or straight down the middle)


Miss you guys!

It's been a while...

My schedule has been extremely crazy the last couple weeks! I've been having a hard time sitting down to write an update.

There are so many things going on, all of them great! Here are a few reports on the stuff I'm involved in and doing


Teaching:

I've been teaching young children English for about a month now. I enjoy it VERY much, it gives me the chance to be able to impart something in the young generation here, and I don't take that for granted. It's been really fun, and the children are learning alot!

Studies:

I've been working my butt off studying, and practicing what I'm learning.
It takes up a good 6 hours of my day, but it's going to be worth it! I can already see that I'm improving! I'm able to read more Chinese and that's been really rewarding.

I've been meeting with a Chinese Language partner and we are getting closer and closer. She is really great, and corrects my grammar which is really helpful (as many Chinese people will just tell you that you speak great...even if you don't. It's nice to have an honest figure in my life)
I see my and her friendship going very deep. :)


next week I have to leave China for three days, it's the only time I'll have to do it. My school principal told me that he'll be able to get me the proper visa, which will allow me to stay in the country without making trips out, for the rest of my time here.

I will be going to South Korea, which is the cheapest place to go and come back from Beijing.
It works out well, because I have several Korean friends there, and it's going to be very nice to see them all.

Things are going REALLY well, although I really do miss home and all of you. I look forward to seeing you all again!


enjoy a picture. Or two...