I think I love my students

I will be simply writing out a conversation that was had in class today. Though slightly inappropriate, too valuable not to repeat.

These are my favorite students. They are two 17 year old boys. And their English "pretty sucks"

Adam: "Teacher do you like THE Michael Jackson?"

Me: "yeah, he's cool"

Ian: "Adam can do his moonwalking"

Me: "wow, can I see?"

(Adam gets up and then shows me the moonwalk and turns and does a very Michael Jackson move....if you get my hint)

Me: "not bad....."

Adam: "Ian can also do some"

Ian: "no, I can't."

Adam: "yes you can"

Ian: "no"

me: "please Ian?"

Adam: "See? PLEASE Ian? Be a Gentlman!"

Ian: "GENTLEMAN DON'T DO THIS" (precedes to do a very Michael Jackson move"

Adam: "You aren't a gentleman, you are a playboy"

Ian: "Go to hell"

Adam: "Go to the hill?"

Ian: "GO TO HELL"

Adam: "I don't get it..."

Me: (trying not to pee my pants laughing)

Me: "Okay, stop. What do you guys want to be when you grow up?"

Adam: "terrorist"

Me: "Tourist?"

Adam: "No, terrorist"

Me: "that is not a job"

Adam "does it? Did it?"

Me: "what?"

Adam: "Teacher, do you like your body?"

Me: "what? .... Yes"

Adam: "I don't"

Me: "WHAT?"

Ian: "ADAM! Ni shuo Laoshi wo bu xi huan ni de shen ti!!!"

Adam: "I MEAN, I DON"T LIKE MY BODY"

Me: (laughing over the desk)

(10 minutes later, I notice Ian is falling asleep...... going, going, and then GONE. I give him two minutes and then I knock on the desk. He doesn't wake. I knock REALLY loud, and he jumps out of his slumber and says)

Ian: "I had a dream!"

Adam: "about your girlfriend?"

Ian: "shut up"

Me: "okay, pay attention"

(1 minute later, Ian starts a musical type knocking sequence on his desk)

Adam: "what are you doing?"

Ian: "it was in my dream"

Adam: "and your girlfriend?"

Ian: "Go to hell"

Adam: "go to the hill?"

Ian: "GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL"

me: "DON'T SAY THAT!"

Ian: "But I am filled OF ANGER."

Ada: "I don't get it...."

Snappy Rejoinders:

I read this very cute suggestion today for the questions that us foreigners are asked 10 times a day here in China. Lets spice it up a little, Right?


1. ni shi na guo ren? -where are you from?

Evasive: Guess. Where do I look like I'm from?

Nonsensical: The moon.

Exotic: Well, I live have a thailand passport, but grew up in Israel and am moving to Iceland next week.

2. Ni hui shuo hanyu ma? -can you speak chinese?

Cheeky: I can't speak any chinese whatsoever.

Modest/Moronic: I fluently speak horrible Chinese

3. Ni zuo shenme gong zuo? What kind of work do you do?

Wannabe: I am a secret agent. (Followed by a WHoooosh sound)

Liar: I'm a helicopter pilot.

4. nimen nar tianqi zenmeyang? Hows the weather in your country?

Tough. where I come from it rains bullets everyday.

5. ni de xinshui doushao? What's your salary?

Make them practice their math! "It's 10 million cents per year."

currency exchange sadist: 200 Guatemalan Quetzal per fortnight.


And finally,

How things are not exactly what they seem.

For example the phrase, "yingai mei wenti" Which is "it shouldn't be a problem"

Be on guard... on the surface the speaker calmly asserts that no problem will arise-but she/he is in fact sleuthily acknowledging that the problem will never, ever be solved.

And a variation: "wenti bu da" The problem isn't big.

It may not be big, but it will remain a problem. Assume that your wenti will remain a wenti forever, and ever, and ever.


And finally, I present to you the hardest character I have ever learned. I believe it is actually 3rd place in the list of hardest characters. It should have an equally hard/long name. Though it does not. It us pronounced "biang" and means "noodle".
It has a whopping 57 strokes and only takes 10 minutes to write. :)

Next language I learn isn't going to have tones....Or characters. I swear that.

So it is to be torture?

Yes, I had a wisdom tooth removed in China.


This is an experience that all people need to have at least once in their lives.
Now, I have had some of my wisdom teeth pulled in America, so I know how the process is supposed to look by our standards. And now, I can proudly say that I have had it done here to.

For starters, I ask the doctor to prescribe me Vicodin or some kind of strong pain reliever for after the surgery. His exact words translated into English were "there's no need"

...There's a need. Trust me, there IS a need.

So, I argue with him for a few minutes and he agrees to supply me with two days worth of pain killer. I am satisfied.


He begins the process by giving me a shot... All is good except for the fact that I am not in the least bit numb. "strange" he says as he pokes me with a needle on the sides of my gum and I am jerking at the pain.

"I need more" I say

"strange" he says

So he gives me more. Now I feel a bit more numb, yet I can still tell him which side of my gum he is poking. "It should be fine he says"

well, you know how your cheek and lips get numb when they do fillings for your cavities? Nothing was numb at all like that. Not at all.

I was nervous.

He then informs me that I will feel what he is doing the whole time, just not the pain.

....Nobody wants to feel ANYTHING AT ALL when a bone is being taken from your head.

I just want it over with, so I agree to let him take it out.

Now, you see... When I had my two wisdom teeth taken out previously, they used drills and surgically removed the tooth. Well, prepare for something hilarious.


The man takes out, (GET THIS) what look like regular pliers (they were definitely meant to be used for teeth, but even still I was like..... Are you kidding?)

Then, he takes my head between his arm and his chest and begins to yank out my tooth with these pliers. No drill. No cutting. Torture.

I was trying not to laugh or cry as I was both amused and horrified.


And so he yanked, and yanked... After a minute of his grunting and sweat, the tooth is free.

It was a big little bugger... So I can imagine the size of the hole from where it came. Which horrified me as he did not stitch me up. Nope. No stitches.

"just don't eat on that side, and don't brush your teeth for a couple days"

(...)


Fine. I'm just glad it's over, so I walk out to the reception office to collect my drugs.


You want to know what he gives me for the pain I will be enduring the next few days?

3 Tylenol.

Tylenol.

...


I would like to pull some of his teeth out, and see if those tylenol help him at all...



Aside from my complaining, it was about 250.00 cheaper than it would have been to do it in the states, so as long as I don't die of infection. Good times...


The end.

All my love!

My collected funny stories

I have a notepad I keep with me at all times. There is a special pocket in my purse reserved for it, equipped with two Pens. It is the "Funny story" notepad. It is for the many times I am in class and one of my students says or does something completely hilarious, or when I will be out and about and see something so incredibly ridiculous or astonishing that I simply have to write it down, lest I forget and not be able to share it with you fine people.


the first three stories come to you from the China Daily newspaper:

In Tianjin, on a particularly cold morning, one Chinese woman could not get her car to start. She figured that the engine must be too cold. So she gathers some wood and newspaper, and set in underneath the front hood and lights it on fire. Needless to say the car exploded and was completely destroyed.

The next two stories are great because of the choice of certain words. You see, the China daily is in English, but written by Chinese. Needless to say, you get a kick out of it...

This is a story about a master who's female dog turned on him. The story reports: "A man and his dog were taking a walk, and ran into another dog, the man tried to break the fight up and the bitch bit him."

And in a VERY similar story then next day, a Chinese man tried to break up two asses.

other than the obvious....I'm wondering why nobody is telling these Chinese people that breaking up fighting animals is generally not the best idea.

Next are a few stories I've accumulated from interactions with my students:

Recently one of my students, James, asked me what we say when something is delicious. He wondered if "yummy" was ok. I told him that it was, but mostly younger children would say "Yummy" and we might comment on what about the food we specifically enjoyed.

He then said, "oh, ok. (pretends to take a bite) Mmm, tastes like my mom"


Today, as class was ending I asked my students what they would be doing today. Most of them gave fairly normal answers, "Homework" and "clean my room".
When I asked the last girl that was leaving the classroom, she looked down at her feet and said "look for my shoes"

It was then that I realized for the first time since class had started, that she was wearing a pair of boys tennis-shoes that were about four sizes too big.

Not to mention all of the English words that are slightly morphed and are now pronounced: "You-tubie" "facie-book" "grammers" and of course "Engrish"

Oh, and my personal favorite. When they randomly greet you on the street with:
"Hallouw????" (said like a question with the second tone)

And best annoying Chinese Phrase of the day

Q: Which direction is it?
A: 一直走出(straight down the left side, or straight down the right side, or straight down the middle)


Miss you guys!

It's been a while...

My schedule has been extremely crazy the last couple weeks! I've been having a hard time sitting down to write an update.

There are so many things going on, all of them great! Here are a few reports on the stuff I'm involved in and doing


Teaching:

I've been teaching young children English for about a month now. I enjoy it VERY much, it gives me the chance to be able to impart something in the young generation here, and I don't take that for granted. It's been really fun, and the children are learning alot!

Studies:

I've been working my butt off studying, and practicing what I'm learning.
It takes up a good 6 hours of my day, but it's going to be worth it! I can already see that I'm improving! I'm able to read more Chinese and that's been really rewarding.

I've been meeting with a Chinese Language partner and we are getting closer and closer. She is really great, and corrects my grammar which is really helpful (as many Chinese people will just tell you that you speak great...even if you don't. It's nice to have an honest figure in my life)
I see my and her friendship going very deep. :)


next week I have to leave China for three days, it's the only time I'll have to do it. My school principal told me that he'll be able to get me the proper visa, which will allow me to stay in the country without making trips out, for the rest of my time here.

I will be going to South Korea, which is the cheapest place to go and come back from Beijing.
It works out well, because I have several Korean friends there, and it's going to be very nice to see them all.

Things are going REALLY well, although I really do miss home and all of you. I look forward to seeing you all again!


enjoy a picture. Or two...

I did not believe my fellow ex-pats when they told me china would make it rain, so that today would be unbelievably sunny.

So for the last few days we have had a lot of smog, but yet no clouds...and yesterday roles around and all the sudden it is EXTREMELY cloudy...but like FOGGY too....we have an extremely brief crazy thunderstorm and today it is as clear as Colorado here in Beijing.

If China doesn't stop shooting crap up into the atmosphere to control the weather, I may come home looking like a fish.

All of this silliness is because today is the 60th anniversary of the communist rule. There is a big parade here in Beijing.........but nobody is allowed to go to it. That's right....invitation only.

on a lighter note, here are some funny signs I found:

THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF CONTEXT:

Bag pipes...playing "Amazing Grace" outside of my window rather loudly.

I know now why I have sleepless nights...

I'm called to...being beckoned...to stop being fake.

My world is being turned upside down, and it hurts but I love it.

It's as if this walk has layers, and you keep going deeper and deeper into it.

This is a big jump though.

The line is being drawn...and a voice saying: "This is the decision...The choice to be hot or cold...this is where all your comfort is stripped from you, and you make the choice to either continue with your luke-warm heart and flowery words...or risk it all for something other than yourself."

I have never really been selfless. Deep down, I have never really cared about anything other than myself. And I am broken over it.


Yet, I hear that sweet voice, beckoning me...Inviting me to change.





Yes.

I just saw a really pretty girl wearing a shirt...........in big letters on the back it said "DAD"

........hmmmm

I have officially ordered something over the phone and had it delivered to my house successfully!

While you may think that this is petty, I beg you to reconsider.

Chinese is just THAT much harder to understand over the phone. :)

FOR THIS HOUR ONLY:

CHINA IS THE BEST PLACE EVVEEEERRRRRR!!!!!

So, I get my handy dictionary out (online) and I look up the words "Albutorol sulfate"
Which is also known as an inhaler. Medicine that I am in particular need of on a consistent basis.

Now in America....You need to be under the care of a doctor, who prescribes said medication in order to get it filled....which I might add is quite expensive.

WELL, In this here country of ZHONG GUO, you simply need to know the name in Chinese, then you just waltz into any given pharmacy and you can buy it without a prescription for $5.58 USD.

Right now, I'm tearing up because.....it's like.....like justice or something. I can breathe without the help of doctor....with my own mouth...speaking Chinese........IT"S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

I'm never leaving.

I had to talk myself through not buying all four boxes right then....you know?

GIVE ME ALL OF THEM.

haha, like they're going to disappear or something...

no, no.

They are here to stay, and I can buy them whenever I like.

It feels much like what it may feel like if you could just waltz into walmart and buy
Vicodin....no questions asked.


Liberating

If you ever lived in China, and get this........it's hilarious.


http://www.sexybeijing.tv/new/video.asp?id=15

A picture of a restroom inside of a restaurant. taste of China!




I just got back from riding on a motorcycle with a Ghanaian....very interesting things happen to you in China.

I took before and after photo's of the apt so you could see how gross it was at first, and what two days of
scrubbing did to it later. It looks so cute and is so comfy now!!

So here are the before:




















And here are the after!!!! :)















It's a nice apt for china, I'm really lucky. :)




The thing that I am NOT lucky about it how quickly I noticed my tan disappearing...Well, it's at a faster pace than normal because there is almost nothing that you can buy here in China that does not have WHITENING agent in it. These people are so weird....


But tell me this....why is it that I can't buy lotion, soap, cleanser, foundation, or any kind of product without whitening agent in it, but can't find whitening toothpaste ANYWHERE!

I'm telling you people, it looks strange when you look like a ghost but have orange teeth.



I miss you!!!

Ooooo, small baozi's!

SO I am here! And I am AWAKE!

Culture shock is definitely worse the second time around people...let me tell you. The first sight I had after walking out of the airport was a man leaning over into the planter and blowing his nose....it was like his nose was puking. All quite acceptable behavior in China.

My apartment is good, it needs a bit of cleaning and some things to make it feel more homey, but it will come together. It is on the sixth floor and there is no elevator, again I am looking on the bright side here, cause that means that I have to do 6 minutes of unavoidable exercise in order to get to the toilet or my bed. :)

Funny story about that too....yesterday I went grocery shopping, and as I was climbing my stairwell decided that I was going to change my attitude about this whole no elevator thing. So I'm talking to myself as I'm climbing, "Crissa, this is exercise you wouldn't have willingly done" I say as I reach the third floor, "you''ll get used to it in a month and it won't be difficult" I panted as I got to the fourth floor, "you are going to look at this cup as half full! I vow to myself as I take a breather at the fifth floor, "hmmm, that door looks different....." and I keep on truckin' right on up to the sixth floor......I stop dead in my tracks as I look at the door in front of me that is not my door at all.

That's right folks, I climbed the wrong building. These buildings all look exactly alike and if you aren't careful you will wind up climbing 12 flights of stairs any given grocery run.
Read your signs people.


Coke zero has arrived in China! That's right!!! I am thoroughly excited about that.


Well, it would seem that facbk is blocked here right now, so this is the best place to come to know what's going on with me. Save it to your favorites!!!

I love and miss you guys to much,

Crissa
Kexin