Update

So I know that this month I haven't been updating at all, it has been a CRAZY month!

I was able to go on our mobile team for a week, as we traveled south to Hermasillo, Mexico and shared God's love to those that we met. It was amazing to see God open doors that we had no idea he would!
We were able to share in a school and were blessed to see heaps of children and teenagers give their lives to the Lord to serve him! These are some pics from that:

We just saw off 120 people that came from all over the states to help build five homes for needy families here in TJ! And amazingly enough, someone from the team gave their life to Christ and was baptized in our fountain out front at the end of the weekend! Needless to say, that what we do here isn't just for the outside comminity but that God wants to get ahold of the hearts of those that come to serve the community as well! Light is being spread everywhere, because that is how our father rolls :) God has been doing amazing things and I am so excited to start the new year strong with him and in this ministry!

What this next year holds for me:

I was asked to be staff for the next discipleship training school that we are having at the base beginning next week! It's a 5 month program that disciples a group of people that move to our base and let God teach them, change their lives, and show them how they can be used by God to help those around and show the love of Christ!

This next 5 months is going to be so busy! But, I am so thankful for the amazing opportunity I have to pour out Father God's love to the students, and to the people we meet as we minister in the surrounding community.

So I start bright and early tomorrow morning, and I am thrilled!

Thank you again for walking with me on this journey to light up the dark, and bring the kingdom of heaven here to earth!

Love

I have been thinking about this topic and trying to understand it most of my life. What is love? What does it feel like? What does it look like?

I'm still young, but I feel that life has taught me rather quickly through many trials and painful experiences just what this is supposed to look like. What true love is and what the world has tried to pass off as a sad excuse for the word.

I often quote a couple sayings that I've picked up along my journey, that really have shaped what I believe love is. One of them says, "you can like a person because of who they are, but you love a person because of who YOU are."

Love is a position, an action, a decision. You become love and are therefore able to love another. The bible says love is patient, kind, good, doesn't envy or boast, isn't proud or rude or self-seeking....
Love isn't self-seeking.... It always perseveres.

Not many of these traits of love are seen in this world today, not even in the church. We've lost the vision of what it means to love a person. we often "fall out of love" in this culture, and divorce is just as common in the church now as it is out of the church. We don't even understand marriage, we expect our partner to fulfill the deep needs in us for love, instead of going into it with the understanding that we are called to serve and love them. So for so many of us, our love is selfish. We want the easy way, the emotions that make it easy to treat someone the way that we are called to treat them. We find it easy to love those who are loving toward us, but do we step it up when they are NOT loving toward us and love them still the same? Treat them kindly when they haven't treated us that way? Refused to give up on them?

The only way to understand love is to look at the one who IS love, Jesus Christ.  It's really heartbreaking to me to know that if we have so much trouble truly loving the ones that should be easiest to love, how would we do with our enemies? Jesus loved those and forgave those who were murdering him.

Love truly is a position, an attitude that we become. We learn to love, and i think that the only person we can learn to love from is the one who is love.

I've been reading this book called "tortured for Christ". It's a book written by the founder of an organization that brings awareness of the persecuted church... This man spent 14 years being tortured in a communist prison in Romania for Jesus. The stories he tells are incredible and horrifying... And so very real for a very large part of the body of Christ. Though, as I have read this book I see something that we western world Christians cannot fathom... They learn to love those who are torturing them. The stories that he tells of how they were able to love those and serve those who killed their own family members or tortured them, are so very inspiring to me.

Love is more than we have made it to be. And this world is in desperate need for the true love that we are called to become.

But the deepest revelation I have had about love is not in the understanding what it is, but in understanding where we go to get it, become it, and live it. 

There is only one source for our need of love, and that is God. If you would have told me that a year ago I would have laughed. I did not believe that and struggled with understanding how an unseen God could fill the gaping hole in my soul and that deep need for love.

It was not until I really understood that no person would ever satisfy my soul, that I began to pursue my father in heaven for that need... And to my astonishment, was satisfied.  And it has freed me to love those around me without needing back from them. It has freed me to actually love.

More and more everyday I understand what the looks like and become more of what my father created me to be. Not taking but giving to others, thinking about how I can serve and love them instead of how I can get my need for love met. Every day I grow in this, and it's only going to get better.


SO this is my encouragement: Get to know the God who is love, get your need for that love met in him.
Because we are called to serve and give to those around us, and the only way we can do that is if we are being filled by the one who can give us what we need to pour out.


I pray he gives you this revelation so that you may understand this beautiful truth.

Update

I thought it would be good to give you a little update on what's going on here in Mexico!

Things have been super busy the last few weeks, and it's only getting crazier from here!

In the prison we have been crocheting scarves with the girls to give to homeless people for Christmas in  a place we call Zona Norte. It's a very very bad area and there are a lot of prostitutes and homeless people. We have a few different ministries that work in the area to bring the kingdom and dad's light into the darkness there. So Chrissy, the girl I run prison ministry with and I have been crocheting Christmas scarves for the homeless people in the park! Here is a picture of the second one I finished:

It's been really amazing to just sit with the girls and get to know them while we crochet together. One of the girls named Lily, has really begun to open up to me. She told me her story and has shared her life with me. She is so precious and that bond is growing deep.



Last week I was given the opportunity to be a part of a team that fed over 500 people in that same part of town called Zona Norte. We made Thanksgiving dinner for them and had face painting, live music, and games with the children. It was an amazing day! Here are some pics from that:

We built four houses this last weekend, it was an amazing time! I loved being able to be a part of serving the teams that came from all over the states to participate! 

This next month is going to be crazy busy! I leave in two days for a week long mobile team. We are going to drive down Mexico and visit some churches. This is the highlight of this year for me. 

I love being led by the Holy Spirit, and this is what this week is going to be all about. 

We are driving around and just letting God lead us as we talk to many young people about the kingdom of God, and inviting them to join us for DTS schools and to be a part of the ministries that we are doing here. I can't wait to get back and tell you guys the amazing stories that happened!

Speaking of the Holy Spirit, it was amazing this last week as the team was here for building houses. My friend Pepe and I put on a little worship service for them one night after they got back from the build, and half of the people that came weren't Christians. We didn't hold back though, we entered a very Holy Spirit led worship time, and simply worshiped our daddy uninhabited. The holy spirit's presence came in the room so powerfully, the few people that weren't believers began to weep as they felt their spirit's being touched by God. It was so powerful and exciting to see people who do not know their creator, experience him so powerfully. God is alive my friends, and very much wanting to show his face to this broken world. That is what this next week of mobile team is going to look like. We are going to unleash papa's love and spirit to all we meet. I am so excited!

I love all of you guys and thank you so much for your support and prayer. Stay tuned for some awesome stories!

The human point of view

This morning I woke up, checked my facebook just like I do every morning before I leave the comfort of my warm bed, to this message from my favourite person in the world:

Mark 8:33

Jesus turned around and looked at his disciples, then reprimanded Peter. “Get away from me, Satan!” he said. “You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

This verse stuck out to me this morning, because Peter is upset with Jesus for saying he will die and stuff, and Jesus rebukes him. Isn't that so true how we can get worked up over our view of things without understanding God's purpose behind it.

I think that's where the trust comes in. Where we can simply say, Ok, God... you know what you're doing.

I ponder that for a moment, and smile... "Yeah, that's so true" I think to myself, and then I hop out of bed to start my day.

I begin to rush to get ready, because I have to leave in 20 minutes to get to the American Consulate appt that I've waited almost two weeks for, to replace my stolen passport. I print out two different types of directions to ensure that I don't get lost, even though I think that is not necessary since I have passed by this consulate five times since living here.

I leave thirty minutes earlier than I need to (you know, just in case) and start my car ride with a prayer: 

"Daddy, please just help me get to the consulate without any trouble. Keep me accident free, help everything go smoothly, help me find the consulate. Love you, amen"

I'm nearly to my destination when I suddenly realize that I think I may have taken a wrong turn... But no... I've been here so many times! How could I have missed it? I start backtracking...The time starts getting away from me... ten minutes till my appointment. Oh no... where did I go wrong?  The more I try to correct the wrong turn, the more lost I get. I now have no idea where I am. an hour goes by... And I know that it is unlikely that I will be able to even get into the consulate now, as it is by appt only. 

I start to cry... And pray: "God... why is this happening? We've driven past this so many times. I need you to help me get un-lost and find this place. They close in thirty minutes, maybe they'll take pity on me!  Holy spirit I just ask that you would guide me. Show me where to turn. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where it can't just be stories or theories, I need your spirit to guide me!"

Then suddenly I feel an urge to go down a small street that looks like a dead end (as so many streets in Mexico do) and it leads to the main road leading in the direction I am supposed to be going in! "THANK YOU JESUS, keep guiding me! Help me get there!" I'm super excited at this point, until I feel him telling me to go down this other street and after I turn on it I realize I have just driven into the Otay border line to go back to the United States. If you have ever lived in Mexico, or traveled back and forth, you know that once you make a wrong turn like that, you are stuck. There are huge cylinder blocks that barricade you from going anywhere but forward. There are several cars already lined up behind me. Whether I like it or not, I am going to the states.

I start tearing up, and I call my mom. "mom, can you get online and check to see if there are any passport agencies on the other side of this border. I doubt they will let me do it there, cause the passport was stolen here in Mexico, and online they said I have to go to the consulate here. But I should at least try now that I am going there anyway, and cause I won't be able to get an appt at the consulate for another couple weeks."

She checks and gives me a number to call. So I call this agency and a woman picks up "hello, I'm hoping that you guys might take walk ins?" she is obviously annoyed at me and says "No, we are appt only, all passport agencies are. We won't have anything until the end of next week" 

I start to pray:

"God? What happened? I prayed before I left for protection and favor... why did EVERYTHING go wrong? What am I missing here?  Why didn't my prayer work? No, I choose to believe that you care about me, that you didn't just abandon me. That you really are alive and able to guide me and help me in these small things. I don't understand this, I don't. But I trust you. I'll just get some in n out when I get to the states, and make the best of sitting in this border line for the next hour."

I get across and start driving to find an in n out, when I see a postal annex and get an urge to go ask if they do passports. (strange... I know) But, I go inside and walk up to the guy behind the counter. "This might seem like a strange question, but do you guys do passport services?" he laughs at me and says "no... we don't." I tried not to show my disappointment as I turn away to leave, when he says "I just went to get my passport done at this place downtown yesterday. They do it in three days" my eyes widen "Do they take walk ins?" He frowns, "I don't think so... but you could try. Let me print out the directions for you" So he prints them out, and writes some notes on the front page, including that it is on the 10th floor of the building. 

So I figure, I have to try. I get there and go to the 10th floor, and am stopped by the guard, who asks if I have an appt. "No, I don't..." he looked at me and said, "do you have all your documents and your passport photos?" I say "well, I have everything but the photos" he smiles at me and says "walk two blocks north to the UPS office and get them taken, come back, and I'll get you in"

I do it, the process goes smoothly and they didn't even give me trouble that it was stolen in Mexico and that I'm technically supposed to get this taken care of at the consulate in Tijuana. The man behind the counter informs me that I can pick up my passport on Friday at three, and to have a wonderful week. 

So what I would have originally had to wait three weeks for, I will now have in three days. 

But wait, my story gets better. 

So I drive to go to the in n out by our San Diego office, and pass by the line which is all the way out to the street... I decide it's way too long of a wait, and that I'd rather first go check my mail at the office before leaving back to Mexico. I get to the office and a staff girl from our base an hour south of where I live is there waiting. Her day didn't turn out quite like she planned, as her friend from Washington is at her base in Mexico while she is stuck at the San Diego base without a way back until the end of the night. To add to the injury, she is hungry and craving (drum roll please) IN N OUT.

I smile to myself, and say "guess where I was just about to go?" She squealed in excitement, and even more so when she realizes that I can take her back right after in n out, so that she can hang out with her friend that came all that way to see her. 

Maybe God's plans were even bigger than me and my passport! ;)

I amazed to see how he connected every detail in this day, how nothing worked out according to my plan, yet it turned out better than I could have planned. 

Our human point of view, our plans, our way... It is not always his way or the best way. Trust becomes more and more vital in my life. Living out what I read, what I hear, and what I myself have taught is becoming more and more frequent. 

I asked him to take my world apart, and day by day he does that. And takes scales off of my eyes so that I can see his hand clearer. Little by little my trust is more deeply rooted than it was the day before. 

The more I learn to trust him, the thicker the fog roles in which takes me to new levels of child-like faith. The more tragedy and pain I experience, the more I see his gentle and loving hand extend toward me. The more I choose to believe even in situations that seem like he has abandoned me, the more he delights in showing me that his way was the better way.

I look back now, on my life, and see where every turn I have made, when I have asked him, he has guided me. And every wrong turn that I have made, he has been faithful to guide me back to a path that is even better than before. 

My pappa is always there, and I'm learning to see him.

Imitating Christ

We all love the image that Christ portrayed... The love and self-sacrifice that he displayed for all to see. We love it, but do we honestly really want to imitate it?

If we really think about the words our precious Jesus said, do we really want to follow them?
He called us to die to ourselves... The most unnatural thing a human could do. Purposely put others before yourself, and love even those who persecute you.

I have taken a good hard look at myself the last few days as the Holy spirit has been stirring this question up in my heart. Do you really want to look like me, Charissa? Do you really want to live your life the way that I lived mine?

In the depths of my heart I know that is my longing... To pour out my life and honor my father. But it's the day to day dying that catches us all off guard, and that we often fail to look like our lover in.

Respecting someone who is treating us wrongly, serving someone even when we are tired, thinking of others before ourselves... They can be unnatural thought patters, but we are called and beckoned by our saviour to make them natural thought patterns. For it to become our unconscious response to what the world hands to us...


As I look at myself I see that I am not living like my Jesus in everything... I have so much need for growth in my every day dying to myself, and living like my Jesus.

We are in a race, and I want to finish well... We do not know how long we have on this earth, and this earth is not where I glory is, but there in heaven with him.


I want to commit to this race, to the dying... That every day the world and those around me would see Jesus in me. Those who love me and those who hate me alike, would see him in every action I take, in every word that I speak... That I would take the initiative to serve, to be a bondservant to my master... To be my fathers daughter, and look like him in love.


He came to show us the model of what love looks like, and he is love, and we are made in his image! We are his children, and as his children we get to look as much like him as we allow him to do in us. I want to be my fathers daughter, and to be my savior's bride... And give not just my life, but my comfort, my time, my energy to show every person that comes in contact with me the love of Christ.


Go hard or go home.

True love

We are having a conference here this week at YWAM. Bases from different areas of Mexico and the United states have gathered here to seek God for a week and be recharged and ready to continue the callings God has placed on our lives.

Yesterday as I was walking through the hallway of our main building, I passed by a woman that was crying hysterically, I approached her and put my hand on her back, and I asked her if I could pray for her. She looked up at me and began to explain the reason for her meltdown.

This woman and her husband adopted two children from Mexico, the older boy who is seven years old has been diagnosed with “attachment disorder”.

He was so severely abused as a child and never bonded to another human being properly. His mind is that of a 3 or 4 year old child, but his body is nearly the same size as this small-framed woman.

He acts out and has behavioral issues, some violent. She was told that there was a way that could help cure this disorder. She has strapped this boy to herself in one of those pouches you see so many mothers carry small children in. All day long he is held close to her in the hope of a bond taking place that will heal the wounds he sustained as a young boy.

As she is pouring her heart and tears out to me, I notice the bruises and scratches covering her arms. He spits on her, pulls her hair, slams his head into her face, all in an attempt to push her away as a response to the brokenness he was born into.

My heart is stirring at this point and the Holy Spirit is speaking clearly to me. I ask her if I can pray for her, and I feel God’s heart for her, for that boy, and for all of us as I had a deeper revelation through this woman’s experience.

This woman’s journey is so similar to what we humans go through with God. He longs to hold us close and heal the wounds of the things this world has injured us in. But, so many of us kick, scream, spit on, and bruise our savior. He longs to gather us under his wing and bring our hearts to the wholeness he intended, but we in our brokenness and misunderstanding push him away. Though he does not quit, he fights for us, he takes those beatings for us, his love is so pure and faithful, that he continues to hope for us and lay his own life down for our healing.

This woman spoke something so deeply about father God’s love to me. A love that refuses to quit even in the ugly parts of that relationship, a love that values it’s beloved over it’s own body, a love that sacrifices and lays down it’s own comfort for the better of the other person. True love, father’s love is what that woman is flowing out of. Though she may not be perfect in it, the closer she is to father God, the more you see that flowing out of her and into this sweet little boy who will be healed and whole in Jesus name! This sort of strength and love cannot be done apart from our father and the Holy Spirit. None of us have the capacity to love in such hard times apart from his spirit that makes us able and changes us to be more like our pappa.

In every thing that we face in life, we will come to a point where we must learn his love in order to love. In our relationships with our children, with our spouse, with friends, co-workers, family, those who persecute us… Love is not based on the person being loved, but on the lover. We love because it is who we are. And the only way to make that who WE are is to understand who HE is and being loved by him.

He is the cure to all things we face. And we WILL face those hard things. Life is not void of suffering… But, it is how we understand that relationship and dependency on him that we are able to face these mountains and hurricanes and still say, I will choose holiness, love, righteousness, and I will be JOYFUL in doing it!

He is how we can walk forward without fear! Remember that verse that says, “Perfect love casts out all fear”? Well he is that perfect love. And it is by him we can know that when a trial comes, we will make it through, because he is always with us. He is always near to us, holding us close to his beating heart, ready to bind up our broken heart and heal those wounds we are given in this life.

Walk forward with him into that deepness, that intimacy! Through that you can face anything!

The raw truth.

This morning I went to the prison that I go to weekly to, to minister to the young people that are held there. But this week something different happened.

I go there to minister to the young girls, but this week we were informed upon arrival that we would not be with the girls this week, but that there is a room full of young fathers from the prison that we will be visiting with. They were to have a course on how to be a good father.

It's very funny, because there we are, three young girls going to teach men in prison about being good men. God has a sense of humour.

Our entire plan was foiled, but that's ok, cause that is how the holy spirit is able to do his work. When we NEED him to show up.

It was a shaky start, not sure where to go with the spirit at first, I prayed and asked God to give me words, he was ever faithful to show up and give us something to talk about.

I felt the lord give me a message for these men in an instant, so I asked the girl that leads the group for permission to share what God had placed on my heart.


It was simple, I began to give a bit of my testimony, of how God has changed me and made me the woman that he created me to be. I will simply tell you what I told them:

The gospel is simple and we do not need to over complicate it. This world is full of "how to" formulas to have the life we want to have or to be the people we want to be. And yet, there are billions of people walking around so broken and without the slightest clue on how to be or do the things that they want to be and do. Maybe our formula's don't work!  I didn't want to tell these men anything they already know about what they SHOULD be doing as husbands, fathers, and men. That's just like the law, just a list of do's and don'ts that don't change us inside.

The only way that we are changed is by spending time with God, and by asking the holy spirit to change us from the inside out.


In the garden of Eden, we walked with God and were complete. When we sinned, we were separated from his presence and began to not understand how to function as a man or as a woman, nor how to relate to and treat each other and our children. But that is the mystery of what Jesus did when he died on the cross. He died to make things right between us and God and to give us the HOLY SPIRIT. To return us to a state that is truly even better than the garden. No longer do we just walk with God, but he lives inside of us! The holy spirit is the mystery! When we ask him to, he comes and LIVES INSIDE of us, and changes us form the INSIDE out. Fulfilling what Isaiah wrote, when God said that he would "write the law on our hearts" no longer would we do the right thing out of obligation but out of DESIRE to do it!

This is what I have experience in my own life, the holy spirit changing my DESIRES to those of my fathers, as I have asked him to come and make me like my pappa!

I told these men, that the only way they were going to become what they want to be, and treat their families the way they should is by getting closer to God.


I gave them the analogy of our relationships being like a triangle. On the two lower ends of the triangle are a man and a woman. It's a lot more difficult to understand each other and bridge that gap when a man and a woman are trying to reach each other from the lower points of that triangle. But as each person moves closer to the top (which represents moving into a deeper intimacy with God) we are brought naturally together at the point at the top.

You should have seen these men, what I felt that I saw on their faces as I spoke. It was clear that the holy spirit was moving them deeply. The hope we feel as humans when we realize that our father in heaven loves us and forgives us, and not only that but that he wants to EMPOWER us to be the creation that we long to be, is so powerful! I told them I was going to show them how simple our father is, we got in a circle, held hands and began to pray: "Father, thank you that you have given so much so that we could come to you knowing that you forgive us and except us. Thank you that you care so much about us that you want to help change us inside, and that you've given us the Holy spirit which helps change our hearts so we DESIRE and are EMPOWERED to be righteous and godly. Father I thank you that these men do not have to strive to learn how to be good men and fathers, but that when they simply come to you, you will teach them because YOU are a good man and a good father."

We should stop striving to get our lives together and simply focus our entire selves to getting closer to our father in heaven, and everything else will NATURALLY fall into place. Seem to easy? Well, that's the beauty of my God. He doesn't make it complicated! He meant it when he said "seek first the kingdom of God and ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE ADDED TO YOU"


Moving closer to our saviour, and spending time with him and letting him love on us as we love on him is the cure to life. It is the cure to the sin we struggle with.  It is the cure to the tragedies that we face (and I have had more than my share of tragedy) but I am full of JOY and LIFE because despite the way life tries to trample and break you, that relationship with God is TRULY all that we need.

As I have gotten closer to my father and worked on intimacy with him, I have become the woman that I was meant to be. I have begun to look more and more like my original design, and have naturally learned how to love the way I was meant to love. He IS the answer.


I refuse to let any other doctrine take place of the gospel, the truth. There is no cure but Jesus and the relationship we get to have with daddy.

We need only to look to him to become all that we were designed to be. To break every chain that holds us down. To have power over sin and sorrow.


He is everything.


"I believe in Christianity (Jesus) as I believe that the sun has risen; not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else" C.S. Lewis

 
 

The cost

Today while my friend Chrissy and I were ministering inside the youth prison here in Mexico, someone broke into our car outside and stole our backpacks.

The damage?

My backpack alone had two ipods in it, my hard-drive with every picture I've ever taken on it, cell phone, passport, drivers licence, visa, ATM cards, $200.00, all my make-up/brushes (which are EXPENSIVE) car keys, and a bunch of other important things... Slightly overwhelming when I think about it...


After going through the first two steps of the grieving process, #1 Denial (My bag is not gone) #2 What-if (what if I had just left it at home) I accepted the truth that this was in fact happening.

I began to pray, because that's all I know how to do. And as I prayed  I heard lines of worship songs we were singing last night, like "Jesus, you're all I need" and "I will give you my everything" and I realized that there is a deeper thing that can take place in my heart if I let it.

The cost of following Jesus is a big one... It costs us our very lives. We are to die to and deny ourselves and follow him. I learn new and different levels of that all the time... Whether that's been learning to die to my own sin, or walk outside of my comfort zone, or losing friends that have given their lives for this gospel... There IS a cost.

Today the cost was nearly every material possession I own and all the money I have to my name. And I can honestly say that Jesus is still all that I need.

So I choose to let this take me deeper into that truth and the intimacy that comes along with it. To let this burrow a genuine walk deeper into my soul. To be tested in the things that I say and show that I mean what I say when I say that God can have my everything.

Intimacy with God

More and more I realize how the supernatural flows out of intimacy with Father God.

I used to think that I just had to work on my faith, work on learning more on the subject in order to understand it and use it to impact a starving world.

Needless to say, I wasn't getting the results I wanted. So I stopped, and I focused on simply spending time with God.

Amazing things have started happening from that place. God gave me a dream two nights ago, it was so vivid, so intense that I woke up in a sweat. I began to pray, and asked God what it meant, and he told me what it meant, and who it was for.

The next step was to tell this person I hadn't spoken to in quite some time, a dream that was rather devastating and fearful, and hope it meant something to them. Of course, it did....


This person went on to tell me things they had been keeping hidden, the weight of which is crushing them.

I got to give daddy's heart to that person.

Think about that for a minute.... God wakes me up from a dream at 4:30 in the morning in a completely different country, from a dream about someone, and then tells me what it means. I tell that person I haven't seen in a long time, and it breaks everything open.


God is a pursuer. He loves us not matter where we are at, and wants to see us walk into freedom.
I love the love that he has for us, and I love that he uses us to show that love to others.


The coolest part of the whole situation is that it didn't come out of me striving to be used, but out of a place of intimacy with my lord.


I believe all supernatural experiences come out of the intimacy. The time we spend alone with God.



I encourage you not to chase miracles, or prophecy, or spiritual gifts, or anything but the intimacy you can have with Pappa, because that is where those things naturally flow from

Obedience

I've had to make some vital decisions about my future the last few days... About what my next step will be and what God's will is in the matter.

So naturally I've been thinking about obedience.

I had several different options presented to me, and each of them were good. Each of them fit into God's will for us as Christians. Each of them were a good choice.

But that left me with the question: Lord, which is the one you would have me do?

The hard part of it, was that one of these choices was one I wanted to do a bit more than the other two. But I knew that I wanted to do God's will above my own.

I have learned in my short life, that listening to what dad tells us is so important, because he has plans for our lives that are more amazing than what we can dream up for ourselves. (NOTICE: I didn't say the SAFEST place is in the will of God, but the BEST. Look at John the baptist, he was in the will of God and he was martyred. Look at peter, same thing happened to him. But, their lives were lived the way the father had planned for them to be lived)

As I opened up to those close to me about my decision, alot of people wanted to remind me that it's ok that I was laying down something I wanted, because God would bless me for that.

I feel like as Christians we often think that if we obey God, he will reward us with something "better" or simply just reward us for our obedience.

I understand completely where this comes from, we know that our father in heaven loves us.
But something was going on inside of me today that I really want to share with you.

I do not obey God because I know that I will be blessed for doing so. Or that if I give something to him he will give it back... I obey my father because I love him.

Sometimes when we obey God, he shuts the mouths of the lions. But, sometimes... obedience means we face the darkest night of our lives, and wake in eternity. We obey because we love him, not to get something in return. We give all we have to him without our hands outstretched in waiting for him to give it all back in greater measure.


I don't know where it is coming from, but somewhere in my heart I feel something churning, flaming and consuming me. A call to give him all of me, all of my desires, all of my dreams, without holding on to the thought that he will "bless" me in return. I obey for the sake of obedience.


There was a man that came through here a few months ago, and we sat and had coffee and talked about God and his will to heal the sick. I believe it is God's will that all are healed, I know that people's experiences beg to differ... But, that's a whole other topic that I won't get into.

But this man was a paramedic, and he got a call one day to an elderly woman's home. When he entered he found a woman that was clearly dying. She had gauze on her chest, and as he started assessing her, discovered the story behind what was going on. This woman was dying of cancer, and it was the worst thing he'd ever seen. When he lifted the gauze he could see where it had surfaced, he went into detail of the gruesome thing before him, and asked the woman why in the world she didn't get this taken care of. She answered him saying that God was going to heal her. The guy I was talking to clearly thought I was as insane as the woman dying of cancer on her living room floor, waiting for God to show up.
He said, "why would someone be so foolish?"

I am probably going to get so much flack for what I'm about to say, but I hope you catch the heart behind this...

I sat in my chair holding my cup of coffee, and I looked at this man and said to him, "why not? This world is full of people without hope, without passion, without a sense of something bigger than them. I would rather be like that woman, and die with my beliefs, passion, and uncompromising trust and faith than abandon them in fear"


Needless to say, we didn't really ever come to an agreement. But something in me changed that day... Something barbaric rose up in me. Passion took place of logic, faith took place of fear, purpose took place of comfort.  I realized that no matter how my life turns out, I want to be marked by passion, faith, obedience, and reckless abandon to my father in heaven.

That woman died with something that those who live often never have. Though it looks like foolishness to this world.


God has asked me to do alot of things in my life that often did not make sense to those around me. I have given up many desires to follow him in obedience. I have seen some fruit from that, and some of it I still wait to see.

I think Jesus really meant it when he said if we want to be his disciple, we must deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow. I think he meant it when he said that if we want to gain our life we must lose it.


But, I also believe he is loving. And I think that he asks us those things because he IS loving. Something starts to happen to you when this thing is awakened. You realize that those things you desired or wanted don't compare to the purpose you feel, to the passion and love that is awakened for the Lord. I think humans are at their best when they give, not receive.  And love is the most beautiful when there is sacrifice, (look at Jesus).


And so I walk forward in peace, knowing that I am obeying my father. And that even if I am made a fool for it, even when those around me think I have been abandoned by him, or forgotten by him, even if on this earth I never have the thing my heart desires most.... That I am walking in a deeper form of love than ever before, a love that doesn't seek it's own.

I think what he really came to save us from was meaninglessness. 

Beauty out of the ashes

Can you see it? The beauty that is pouring out of this broken brick home?

Nobody has lived in this house in Hong Kong in over fifty years. It sits with trash piled around the base, and crumbled brick.

Yet life has found its way to grow from that heap of mess to create something that captivated me and drew my attention far more than the houses around it that were in perfect order.


I think that is why God chooses to use the weak and the broken to accomplish great things in the kingdom. It takes our eyes off of the house, and we focus more on the life that is bursting out from inside, which is like him coming out of a person who the world sees as unfit.

God uses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, he uses the people that surprise us. He likes  the glory, and when we aren't able to do it in our own strength, he gets all the glory, which he deserves.


Thank you for using me daddy!

Revealing the way

Many young girls have come through this base in the time I've been here. And each time their mothers have come to me and thanked me for investing into them and being a role model. 

Mia is one of those little girls. 

We built a house together along with her team. A simple act of kindness toward her earned her affections for the rest of the week. She walked around the work site calling me "Boss" and making all the other kids listen to me and get things done. 

In a world where young girls and boys are being show by media what it is to be a man or a woman, it 

is more crucial than ever that we as Christians are good role models and take time to invest into the younger ones around us. To show them they are important, to talk to them about God and his love for them. To walk the way that Christ walked and show them their value as a child of God. 

Love looks like something. It isn't just words we speak, it is in actions we take. Most children in this world today have terrible family situations, and as they get older they will find another way to fill the void they have been left with. We are called to protect them, to nurture them, and to show them that God has a plan for their lives.

Thank you for partnering with me so that I can walk like Christ in the lives of these children. 

Vapor

I took this photo in Harbin, China. Old gentleman like this man here would take water and paint Chinese characters on the ground with a small stick and a rag wrapped around the top.


I remember wondering why in the world they would take all that time to write out such beautiful characters that would evaporate within five minutes. I couldn't understand why anyone would waste such precious time doing something so temporary.


The more time has passed by, the more I look back to that and understand the reason why.
Everything in this life is so temporary, everything evaporates so quickly, but we are children of God, and were created like him, and he does the same thing all the time! Creates beautiful things that so quickly fade away.

I have been so moved by sunsets here in Mexico while overlooking the ocean... Colors like I have never seen as the sun dips behind the ocean line, lighting up the sky with reds, oranges, purples, and yellows that take the breath out of you. And yet it only lasts for a few short minutes, and if you aren't watching it and taking time to stop and enjoy it, you will miss it.


I think about so many things in this life that are so temporary. I think about the lives of the my three friends that have gone home to be with the Father. None of which reached their 27th birthday....
But, I wouldn't dream of saying that their lives weren't worth it.

I think about the friendships that I have made in the years I have traveled. People that I have connected with so deeply, and have had to part with. But, I wouldn't dream of saying those relationships weren't worth it.

There are so many things in this life that come and go. So many things that sometimes we think the energy isn't worth putting in for what we will get out of it.
But as I look at this man drawing these characters, I remember the way that it made me feel when I walked past him on the street. How each stroke he made was perfect and how he took the time to make each one perfectly concise.


This work of art dried up in five minutes, but for those five minutes that man stopped people in their tracks to admire something out of the ordinary. To let themselves feel the spirit inside of them come alive for just a few moments to the beauty of life.

I think we were made to spark, explode, and flame out, leaving people breathless.


I pray that my life is like these characters drawn on the cold cement in that small town of China. I pray that as I move with his spirit and follow him wherever he asks me to go, that I become a beautiful piece of art for my saviour. I pray that it takes God's breath away as I spill my life out in offering to make something beautiful for him.

It is who we are.

This is Louie. He belongs to a missionary family here from New Zealand. On this wonderful night I had the amazing opportunity to babysit them and let their mom and dad go out for much needed alone time. This may not seem like the kind of story you would expect on here, but that's exactly why I'm writing about it. As Christians we have one commandment. Love God and love others. Do to others as we would want them to do to us.

Ministry is not just about those on the streets, but those in our very own family, our own brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to love.


On this night, I got to love three precious boys and make amazing memories they won't soon forget. Bondfires, smores, climbing trees, treasure hunts, jumprope... And I got to serve my brother and sister in Christ.



Love is all that matters, and as we grow in our relationship with Father God we should begin to become love to everyone around us.


God is love.

Home of Hope

 Anjelica was one of the funniest little girls I have ever met. I was able to build her house along with a group of youth from Washington. She helped us build, she played with us, and she made us laugh.
I still can't forget the look on her face as we took her family through the grocery store and spent hundreds and hundres of dollars on food for them. Whatever she wanted to put in the basket, she could.
I love being part of the kingdom and showing daddy's love for us to others.

Coral

This is Coral

We spent the day walking around the gardens in Chengdu, talking about God and his love for us.
She was one of the sweetest spirits I'd ever met. It was such a blessing to spend six months with her every day and seeing her grow in her relatioship with God.

Rosarito slum

These are two of fourteen children that I was able to give haircuts and hygeine products to. 

They live in one of the poorest ares here where I live. I was shocked to see that their houses consisted of a couple of boards slapped together and old rags draped across for a door. On this day they experienced the love of our father in heaven through me and my friend Dolores. 

Precious, aren't they?

A new thing

I want to try something new for you guys. I have all these pictures and so many stories that I have not been able to tell you guys about the amazing things that God has done as I've been a missionary.
The lives that have been radically changed and touched by our father.

So I am going to put a picture a day up, and tell you the story behind it.

I hope you enjoy it!


#1

It was negative fifty degrees outside on a Sunday night in Harbin, China. These Chinese students huddled in the living room to hear about a man called Jesus for the first time in their lives.
I was young and inexperienced as a missionary. But the gospel's power proved true in spite of me.
One by one they heard that their father in heaven loves them and wanted to know them.
One by one they were changed forever.

Radical obedience brings radical fruit.

Identity

God has been speaking up a storm to me today, perhaps cause I took all day to listen. It's rare in our lives when we have an entire day, without interruption, to just talk to God and get things straight.

I had a lot of questions for him today, and I went on and on and on at him, when he finally gently spoke to my heart something so full of truth and revelation.

My questions at him were full of "Am I doing this right" "should I do this" "how can I be more, do more, produce more" "Am I giving enough" "am I walking toward the right things"

And his gentle answer to me was simply, "You are still trying to earn my love and acceptance."

This was so hard for me to hear, cause I have gone over this topic so many times, and thought that I killed every last bit of my ulterior motive for ministry, healing the sick and preaching the gospel.

I thought that I had truly understood who I am as a daughter, and my acceptance regardless of my performance.

But there it was, plain as day. I was trying to get closer to him by producing what Jesus produced, instead of producing what Jesus produced because I AM close to him.  Do you see?

I have definitely come such a long way in this area, and I can say that the majority of what drives me is passion that comes from my own personal breakthrough with Father God. (Which is what is always should be!)  but, I could see where my father was telling me that I still need my mindset and heart changed in that area.

I often have felt that if I am not in the poorest of the poorest places, or with the worst of sinners telling them about God, or in the most dangerous places, that I am not doing all that I can do in the kingdom.

Dad showed me how this is just not true. We are the Kingdom, and wherever we go, there our father wants to bust out of us and touch the people around us. No matter who they are!! Fellow missionaries, family members, friends, co-workers.... They are all just as much in need of a touch from our father! And you just happen to be his hands and feet!

I watch alot of these Todd White videos, where he goes out on the streets all day long and heals people. That kind of stuff really pumps me up... I'm built for that kind of thing. Intensity...

Watching those videos is good for me cause it shows me how much more there is in the kingdom, but at the same time I start to compare myself and what I'm doing with these people... And start to tell myself that I'm not DOING enough.

So as I am walking around talking to God this afternoon, I start talking to him about how much more I wish I was doing for him. And I felt like he asked me "why?"

And I had to really think what it was that made me feel this way. So I walked and I thought... And I realized that deep inside of me I feel there is an expectation of me to produce.

 From God and from people.

AND THAT is the problem. When you do what you do out of a feeling of obligation, or a need to perform, you are not doing it out of LOVE.

Everything you do, you do out of a feeling of needing to do more. Produce, produce, produce! And then passion is lost.

So as I was understanding what my father was telling me, and realigning my heart to his... He did something fantastic.

He began to show me all the people that I have spoken with and brought the kingdom to in the last couple months. Not as a result of a mindset to produce, but out of the multiplication of my heart's passion for my father. I began to realize how many people that have come through this base that I have been able to share the truth of the kingdom, and the fathers love for them, and really just open their eyes to a deeper relationship with God. Some of them he reminded me that actually told me how much I had touched them, and some of them he showed me that I didn't even know I might have touched.

And all of it a result of my relationship with him. Stemming from a passion I can't keep quiet about what he has taught me and is teaching and revealing to me.

And suddenly I realized that the kingdom is in me and gets out onto other people whether I'm aware of it or not! I am the daughter of the creator of the universe, and his truth lives in me, so WHEREVER I walk and WHATEVER I am doing, he's getting out onto those around me. It cannot be helped!

When we realize who we are, a beloved son or daughter of God, and we realize that we are already accepted by him and he is already pleased with us because of Jesus Christ. That is doesn't have to be earned at all (or we would cancel the very nature of Grace) we can see that we do not have to strive any longer. Our daddy loves us! We are to simply come to him and nurture that relationship. No matter how much ministry you do, no matter how many people you evangelise, no matter how many miracles you perform... None of it helps you get closer to you father in heaven. There is only one way to get closer to him... Spending time with him! In conversation, in the word, in worship.... It is the foundations of our walk. Everything we do outside of that simply stems from that relationship, because as we get to know our father more, we begin to become more like him. When we are like him, the things we do we do because it is who we are. We become love.

It cannot be faked. If we are not spending time getting to know our father in prayer/conversation, reading his word, worship, etc... Even the things like Miracles in his name, evangelism, and works can become just another way that we perform or try to earn his love or worse! The love of those we minister to.

All those things are so beautiful, the gospel, works of righteousness, and the promise we have to heal the sick and raise the dead in Jesus name... But, they can NEVER replace the relationship and intimacy we should have with our father.

The scripture says in Mathew 7:22

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast our devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? And I will say to them, I never knew you. Depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

I never knew you...

I just encourage you, the power to change the world, the power to change our lives is in a relationship with God.

It sounds so cliche because we have heard it so many times in our lives, I feel that it has lost it's impact. SO I will rephrase it a little:

The power to change your life, and the lives of every person in this world lies in the time that you spend alone with God talking to him, listening for his response, reading his word, and praising him.  And it needs to be done DAILY... for more than a couple minutes.

If you want to get to know your Boyfriend/Girlfriend or spouse, you don't spend once a week talking to them for an hour, or reading an email from them once or twice a week... Relationship is daily and takes time. The more time I spend doing those things, the more I have actually grown in my ability to hear and to FEEL God. My reward for seeking him has been great, and I wouldnt' trade it.

The more time we put into that intimacy with God and not neglect it, the more the kingdom is unleashed in our lives and able to touch those around us.

This is not to boast about myself, but to boast in JESUS when I say this, but I have seen so much fruit of this deepening in my relationship with God in this last six months.

I have gone to the prison here and the streets, and simply touched people to begin to pray for them (never having met them and without preaching at them at all) and they have wept and experienced the holy spirit for the first time. I have seen the girls in the prison completely changed by the holy spirit showing up.

None of it was because I said something that gave them some great revelation. I didn't say a thing! But, I have spent time in the presence of my father, and when I touch them, that presence flows out.

Jesus himself spent tons of time alone with God in that secret place. It was in that place that he soaked up from God and from that place he poured into us.

I encourage us all to stop making excuses for not spending at least an hour in God's presence daily, and begin to see what God can do as we draw near to him. As we truly know him and he begins to change us and make us look more like him.

This is for all of us. 

Regret

I have written about this before... But each day that goes by,  I understand it on a deeper level.

I was talking to a friend about regret yesterday. I think we all know that feeling well. There are things we wish we would have done differently in our lives... Things we wish we could take back, or things we wish we would have done.

I learned this lesson the hard way a long time ago, when I pulled my lifeless friend out of the Ocean in Mexico, and realized that he would not be coming back. And then 11 months after that, lost two more friends in a shooting, one of which I had a nasty fight with that I had never made right.

Every day is a gift, every day is new chance to say the things we should say, do the things we should do, be the person we want to be. And the thing alot of us don't get, is that we really only have this day to do it.

One day we will wake up, and it will be our last day. Our last day to tell those around us how much we care. The last day to do the things we know we should or we want to do. The last day to make things right that are wrong. The last day to be the person we want to be.

This life really is a race. Some of us will be in this race longer than others, but we will ALL come to the end of it at some point, and have to deal with how we ran it.


I realized something yesterday, that each day is not just a day to try to live without regret, but also a beautiful gift to rectify regrets we already have. We DON'T have to settle with past regrets, we MIGHT just have time to make past mistakes right.


I encourage you today... Just go for it.

 Make things right.

IF you still can change something you regret, DO IT.

BE the person you want to be.


Today is all we ever have.

Not words, but power.

It has been almost a year since I began the journey of understanding this person we call the Holy spirit.
Almost a year since I surrendered fully to him and stopped trying to control things.

How I wish I would have done it sooner.

I think about all the time I spent in China, and while I did see fruit, I feel I could have seen so much more! This person we call the Holy spirit, this presence of God is more than anything I could have hoped for.

I began to step out only recently in what I had been studying for the last year, and began to stop having an agenda when ministering to people, and instead have become a living vessel that understands that I carry the presence of the living God inside of my body.


Three weeks ago I got to take this presence of God into a prison cell for youth girls. I didn't prepare a speech or topic that I wanted to speak on.... I completely relied on the Holy spirit to show up, and I'm so glad that I did.

I asked the girls if they wanted to experience God, and the Holy spirit. We held hands in the circle and waited for my precious father to work. One by one they began to cry and experience the Holy spirit, I got words for them, and for one girl in particular named Jarissa.

Jarissa was the hard one of the group. The hardness of life was written on her face, and God spoke to me about her. I saw her full of Joy and laughter. I told her that and asked her if she wanted to feel God's presence, she said yes and she cried as I prayed for her.

I got to go back again yesterday, and did the same thing... There were about seven new girls, and just like the first time we went, they were uninterested, hard-hearted, and the cruelness of life written all over their faces. But I knew that God was going to work.


I did not complicate it, I'm done with that... I simply began the same way I did two weeks before.


Talked a little bit about God and his love, and then asked who wanted to experience this God. Of course they all did, and we held hands and again God gave me words for them. One by one they were touched by God's love, one by one they cried out pain stuffed deep inside. But, want to know the coolest part?

As I went around the circle praying for these girls, Jarissa went along side of me and prayed for them in spanish. CRYING as she prayed for her fellow inmates.


At the end as we had our time of sharing, each girl expressed how they felt the Holy spirit touch them, and Jarissa spoke last, here is what she said:



"Two weeks ago I had an experience with this person called the Holy spirit. When you prayed for me I could feel him with my body. Before this day, I would go to sleep feeling all alone, and I would often cry. But since then, I can feel the holy spirit is with me and I don't feel lonely. I feel like he is with me and I have so much Joy. I also am so surprised cause I feel like I love all of you girls (her fellow inmates) before, I didn't feel anything toward you. But now, I can go around and pray for you and feel genuine love for you, and cry for you... This is God."



There you have it... Change.



God has all the power, we plant a seed and he waters it and causes it to Grow. He brings the increase, the fruit.... I didn't speak to them with awesome and convincing sermons/teachings... I simply came in the smallness of who I am and pointed to the hugeness of who our God is. THIS is the power of the gospel. THIS is the power that changes.



I will never try another way.

The mirror

We just finished a week of Mission adventures!

Mission adventures is a program where we bring youth in and show them what it's like to live the missionary lifestyle. For a week they come and have teaching and then go out and do ministry. It's a powerful time.


Seven years ago, I attended a mission adventures in Louisiana, to help with the relief of hurricane Katrina.
It was there that I committed to God that I would follow him wherever, and serve him as a missionary.


So for me this last week was like looking at myself seven years ago. I saw 13 young people give their lives to this calling. To go wherever daddy wants them to go. To love people and love God with their every cell. And it stirred me up again as well.


More and more I discover who I am and how God has created me to be. All the different parts of my personality and how they fit together specifically to do something that is very specific and unique. Unlike any other human being.


I know now more than I did seven years ago, what I am called to do, what gifts dad has given me and for what purpose. I pray that those kids see and learn those things about their personalities as well, and become everything daddy created them to be.



We got to build another house for a precious family... What a blessing it is to serve my father.



I thank all of you who support me in doing this. The bible says you share in my reward one hundred percent.