Obedience

I've had to make some vital decisions about my future the last few days... About what my next step will be and what God's will is in the matter.

So naturally I've been thinking about obedience.

I had several different options presented to me, and each of them were good. Each of them fit into God's will for us as Christians. Each of them were a good choice.

But that left me with the question: Lord, which is the one you would have me do?

The hard part of it, was that one of these choices was one I wanted to do a bit more than the other two. But I knew that I wanted to do God's will above my own.

I have learned in my short life, that listening to what dad tells us is so important, because he has plans for our lives that are more amazing than what we can dream up for ourselves. (NOTICE: I didn't say the SAFEST place is in the will of God, but the BEST. Look at John the baptist, he was in the will of God and he was martyred. Look at peter, same thing happened to him. But, their lives were lived the way the father had planned for them to be lived)

As I opened up to those close to me about my decision, alot of people wanted to remind me that it's ok that I was laying down something I wanted, because God would bless me for that.

I feel like as Christians we often think that if we obey God, he will reward us with something "better" or simply just reward us for our obedience.

I understand completely where this comes from, we know that our father in heaven loves us.
But something was going on inside of me today that I really want to share with you.

I do not obey God because I know that I will be blessed for doing so. Or that if I give something to him he will give it back... I obey my father because I love him.

Sometimes when we obey God, he shuts the mouths of the lions. But, sometimes... obedience means we face the darkest night of our lives, and wake in eternity. We obey because we love him, not to get something in return. We give all we have to him without our hands outstretched in waiting for him to give it all back in greater measure.


I don't know where it is coming from, but somewhere in my heart I feel something churning, flaming and consuming me. A call to give him all of me, all of my desires, all of my dreams, without holding on to the thought that he will "bless" me in return. I obey for the sake of obedience.


There was a man that came through here a few months ago, and we sat and had coffee and talked about God and his will to heal the sick. I believe it is God's will that all are healed, I know that people's experiences beg to differ... But, that's a whole other topic that I won't get into.

But this man was a paramedic, and he got a call one day to an elderly woman's home. When he entered he found a woman that was clearly dying. She had gauze on her chest, and as he started assessing her, discovered the story behind what was going on. This woman was dying of cancer, and it was the worst thing he'd ever seen. When he lifted the gauze he could see where it had surfaced, he went into detail of the gruesome thing before him, and asked the woman why in the world she didn't get this taken care of. She answered him saying that God was going to heal her. The guy I was talking to clearly thought I was as insane as the woman dying of cancer on her living room floor, waiting for God to show up.
He said, "why would someone be so foolish?"

I am probably going to get so much flack for what I'm about to say, but I hope you catch the heart behind this...

I sat in my chair holding my cup of coffee, and I looked at this man and said to him, "why not? This world is full of people without hope, without passion, without a sense of something bigger than them. I would rather be like that woman, and die with my beliefs, passion, and uncompromising trust and faith than abandon them in fear"


Needless to say, we didn't really ever come to an agreement. But something in me changed that day... Something barbaric rose up in me. Passion took place of logic, faith took place of fear, purpose took place of comfort.  I realized that no matter how my life turns out, I want to be marked by passion, faith, obedience, and reckless abandon to my father in heaven.

That woman died with something that those who live often never have. Though it looks like foolishness to this world.


God has asked me to do alot of things in my life that often did not make sense to those around me. I have given up many desires to follow him in obedience. I have seen some fruit from that, and some of it I still wait to see.

I think Jesus really meant it when he said if we want to be his disciple, we must deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow. I think he meant it when he said that if we want to gain our life we must lose it.


But, I also believe he is loving. And I think that he asks us those things because he IS loving. Something starts to happen to you when this thing is awakened. You realize that those things you desired or wanted don't compare to the purpose you feel, to the passion and love that is awakened for the Lord. I think humans are at their best when they give, not receive.  And love is the most beautiful when there is sacrifice, (look at Jesus).


And so I walk forward in peace, knowing that I am obeying my father. And that even if I am made a fool for it, even when those around me think I have been abandoned by him, or forgotten by him, even if on this earth I never have the thing my heart desires most.... That I am walking in a deeper form of love than ever before, a love that doesn't seek it's own.

I think what he really came to save us from was meaninglessness.