Identity

God has been speaking up a storm to me today, perhaps cause I took all day to listen. It's rare in our lives when we have an entire day, without interruption, to just talk to God and get things straight.

I had a lot of questions for him today, and I went on and on and on at him, when he finally gently spoke to my heart something so full of truth and revelation.

My questions at him were full of "Am I doing this right" "should I do this" "how can I be more, do more, produce more" "Am I giving enough" "am I walking toward the right things"

And his gentle answer to me was simply, "You are still trying to earn my love and acceptance."

This was so hard for me to hear, cause I have gone over this topic so many times, and thought that I killed every last bit of my ulterior motive for ministry, healing the sick and preaching the gospel.

I thought that I had truly understood who I am as a daughter, and my acceptance regardless of my performance.

But there it was, plain as day. I was trying to get closer to him by producing what Jesus produced, instead of producing what Jesus produced because I AM close to him.  Do you see?

I have definitely come such a long way in this area, and I can say that the majority of what drives me is passion that comes from my own personal breakthrough with Father God. (Which is what is always should be!)  but, I could see where my father was telling me that I still need my mindset and heart changed in that area.

I often have felt that if I am not in the poorest of the poorest places, or with the worst of sinners telling them about God, or in the most dangerous places, that I am not doing all that I can do in the kingdom.

Dad showed me how this is just not true. We are the Kingdom, and wherever we go, there our father wants to bust out of us and touch the people around us. No matter who they are!! Fellow missionaries, family members, friends, co-workers.... They are all just as much in need of a touch from our father! And you just happen to be his hands and feet!

I watch alot of these Todd White videos, where he goes out on the streets all day long and heals people. That kind of stuff really pumps me up... I'm built for that kind of thing. Intensity...

Watching those videos is good for me cause it shows me how much more there is in the kingdom, but at the same time I start to compare myself and what I'm doing with these people... And start to tell myself that I'm not DOING enough.

So as I am walking around talking to God this afternoon, I start talking to him about how much more I wish I was doing for him. And I felt like he asked me "why?"

And I had to really think what it was that made me feel this way. So I walked and I thought... And I realized that deep inside of me I feel there is an expectation of me to produce.

 From God and from people.

AND THAT is the problem. When you do what you do out of a feeling of obligation, or a need to perform, you are not doing it out of LOVE.

Everything you do, you do out of a feeling of needing to do more. Produce, produce, produce! And then passion is lost.

So as I was understanding what my father was telling me, and realigning my heart to his... He did something fantastic.

He began to show me all the people that I have spoken with and brought the kingdom to in the last couple months. Not as a result of a mindset to produce, but out of the multiplication of my heart's passion for my father. I began to realize how many people that have come through this base that I have been able to share the truth of the kingdom, and the fathers love for them, and really just open their eyes to a deeper relationship with God. Some of them he reminded me that actually told me how much I had touched them, and some of them he showed me that I didn't even know I might have touched.

And all of it a result of my relationship with him. Stemming from a passion I can't keep quiet about what he has taught me and is teaching and revealing to me.

And suddenly I realized that the kingdom is in me and gets out onto other people whether I'm aware of it or not! I am the daughter of the creator of the universe, and his truth lives in me, so WHEREVER I walk and WHATEVER I am doing, he's getting out onto those around me. It cannot be helped!

When we realize who we are, a beloved son or daughter of God, and we realize that we are already accepted by him and he is already pleased with us because of Jesus Christ. That is doesn't have to be earned at all (or we would cancel the very nature of Grace) we can see that we do not have to strive any longer. Our daddy loves us! We are to simply come to him and nurture that relationship. No matter how much ministry you do, no matter how many people you evangelise, no matter how many miracles you perform... None of it helps you get closer to you father in heaven. There is only one way to get closer to him... Spending time with him! In conversation, in the word, in worship.... It is the foundations of our walk. Everything we do outside of that simply stems from that relationship, because as we get to know our father more, we begin to become more like him. When we are like him, the things we do we do because it is who we are. We become love.

It cannot be faked. If we are not spending time getting to know our father in prayer/conversation, reading his word, worship, etc... Even the things like Miracles in his name, evangelism, and works can become just another way that we perform or try to earn his love or worse! The love of those we minister to.

All those things are so beautiful, the gospel, works of righteousness, and the promise we have to heal the sick and raise the dead in Jesus name... But, they can NEVER replace the relationship and intimacy we should have with our father.

The scripture says in Mathew 7:22

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast our devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? And I will say to them, I never knew you. Depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

I never knew you...

I just encourage you, the power to change the world, the power to change our lives is in a relationship with God.

It sounds so cliche because we have heard it so many times in our lives, I feel that it has lost it's impact. SO I will rephrase it a little:

The power to change your life, and the lives of every person in this world lies in the time that you spend alone with God talking to him, listening for his response, reading his word, and praising him.  And it needs to be done DAILY... for more than a couple minutes.

If you want to get to know your Boyfriend/Girlfriend or spouse, you don't spend once a week talking to them for an hour, or reading an email from them once or twice a week... Relationship is daily and takes time. The more time I spend doing those things, the more I have actually grown in my ability to hear and to FEEL God. My reward for seeking him has been great, and I wouldnt' trade it.

The more time we put into that intimacy with God and not neglect it, the more the kingdom is unleashed in our lives and able to touch those around us.

This is not to boast about myself, but to boast in JESUS when I say this, but I have seen so much fruit of this deepening in my relationship with God in this last six months.

I have gone to the prison here and the streets, and simply touched people to begin to pray for them (never having met them and without preaching at them at all) and they have wept and experienced the holy spirit for the first time. I have seen the girls in the prison completely changed by the holy spirit showing up.

None of it was because I said something that gave them some great revelation. I didn't say a thing! But, I have spent time in the presence of my father, and when I touch them, that presence flows out.

Jesus himself spent tons of time alone with God in that secret place. It was in that place that he soaked up from God and from that place he poured into us.

I encourage us all to stop making excuses for not spending at least an hour in God's presence daily, and begin to see what God can do as we draw near to him. As we truly know him and he begins to change us and make us look more like him.

This is for all of us.